It's a cruel, cruel summer... |
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Frank Cotolo |
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It might have nothing to do with a global-warming theory or the theories that
the sun is getting closer to the earth every day (the sun is powerless at night)
but the summer of 2010 is predicted to be the hottest in a while.
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A "while", as defined by meteorologists, is a time span that can include many
decades and sometimes over a century. Due to humans being absent for much of the
time the earth existed, scientists say, no one kept count of anything, no less
time. So a while can be a long time in the scheme of things.
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However, Bible expert Ensign Milligory, disagrees from a religious point of view.
He says, "Adam, the first man, learned how to count. God taught him before God
created woman. Once Eve showed up, Adam lost all interest in any digits that were
not connected to his hands."
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"That's a blasphemous interpretation of creation," says Reverend Gordon Stumply.
"Adam didn't put a hand on Eve before the fall. I don't mean autumn, either."
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Reverend Stumply and Mr. Milligory were seen boxing without gloves shortly after
reading the first part of this article.
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But, meteorological evidence points to the fact that the summer of 2010 will be
hotter than most in certain regions of the planet.
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"Two undeniable facts remain to be written down about the upcoming heat waves,"
said Elkin Storefront, who follows weather patterns for the Internal Weather
Control Center in Spunky Puddle, Ohio. "Temperatures are charted to reach peaks
just after July and then to hover in the peak area in August, with some
record-breaking numbers."
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"The hottest part of America, according to our forecasts, will be in Yelling
Settlement, Alabama. It is possible that old bathtubs can melt if taken out into
the midday sun between August days and sunsets."
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In Africa, according to Peter Packer, who also works at the Internal Weather
Control Center in Spunky Puddle, Ohio, animals are in danger of bursting into flames.
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"Lions, especially," says Packer, "can be victims of this raging heat due to
their manes. This is going to put the species in jeopardy since there are not
animal fire departments in the jungles and most likely any animal bursting into
flames will burn to death unless they can get to a water source nearby early in
the combustion."
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People all over the world are being warned that the heat could be dangerous.
The only problem is that the people warning the people all over the world that
the heat could be dangerous do not know all of the languages to use.
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Still, an expert concerned with global warming says, "This is an anomaly. It has
nothing to do with the earth itself becoming warmer in a succession of years.
This is just going to be a freak year for heat. Next year it may be cooler and
it could even snow."
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Then what about Australasia, the part of earth that has its coldest months when
the other parts are teeming?
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Packer says, "We have not looked at that hemisphere's reaction to possible heat
waves, although if I was going to make a wild guess I would say it will be warmer
there too. But not by as much. If I were a lion in New Zealand, I wouldn't
be worried."
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