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The In-Law Factor
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How I yurned my mother-in-law from my biggest critic into my number one fan
by following one of the "Seven Laws of Spiritual Success"
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Sally Shields
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I spent many an hour on the long rides back from the Midwest trying to get
my husband to feel my anger, hurt and frustration about his mother's
irritating behaviors and verbal barbs. But after several years of having
the same old conversations, I realized the bond between a mother and her son
is impenetrable and there was no way in Kalamazoo I was going to get him
to take sides. I can't tell you how many times my husband said to me, "If
you can't find a way to get along with my mother, then we might as well
just call it quits!" There seemed to be no end to this troublesome cycle!
I eventually figured out that I had to be the one to change my viewpoint or
this exasperating dynamic would continue or worsen.
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I knew I had to take matters into my own hands, as I loved (and love now
more than ever!) my husband dearly. So whenever a bothersome incident would
pop into my head, I jotted down on the back of napkins and any other scraps
of paper I could get my hands on, all the bloopers that I seemed to make
over and over with her and created a rule and a solution to deal with each
and every one - from household matters to beauty techniques, to handling her
lovely (and oh-so-appreciated) advice about to how to deal with my children!
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Though this exercise started off as a tongue-in-cheek coping mechanism,
once I began putting a few of these "rules" into practice, I noticed that
my MIL's attitude started to shift. I began to see her softer,
gentler, more agreeable side. I thought that if she and I could actually
have a non-confrontational, even pleasant rapport, (which has now turned
into a loving bond), then these ideas really have something to them, and
maybe I could help to save other young wives needless contention by letting
them in on my little secret!
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What I learned from this process was to really and truly learn to
appreciate my MIL. And although there will always be problems
because of a general lack of commonalities, goals and cultural pursuits,
I just sort of had to give up that fantasy and let my MIL be herself.
We must try to always give our mothers-in-law the benefit of the doubt,
and put our stubborn natures aside, generously sharing her son and the kids
happily for the short time we have to be with her.
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I leave you with this wish: that you may develop a respectful and loving
relationship with your MIL and learn to appreciate her for who she
is, where she came from and what she is to become. Take heed to one of the
great spiritual laws of success: The quickest way to get what you want is
to help others get what they want. Be a loving, kind, generous, openhearted,
sensitive person and the world will reflect that back to you - even in the
form of your mother-in-law - and she may just surprise you and turn out to be
an ally and a friend. Mine certainly did!
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