May 2009

 

Families in a digital age

 

 

Grilldog

 

Your mom is dying.

 

That is probably one of the worse phone calls you will ever receive. I remember a year ago when I received the phone call that Mom had a massive heart attack and wasn't expected to live through the week. Because she had a Living Will they took her off of life support before I even had a chance to get there. I remember it was a horrible week and a half. I flew from San Diego to Baltimore and my nephew picked me up and we drove several hours to their hometown in Pennsylvania. I was able to get there in time for Mom to know I had shown up and to give her all of my love. I remember the worse part of the week was watching her slowly deteriorate to nothing but a husk with skin. It was a horrible way to go for someone who dedicated her life to God, her family and the community. She'll always be remembered in the nursing home where she lived out her final days. They knew her as a saint, she was always there with a helping hand to feed those or help those in some way who were less fortunate than she was.

 

During her stay, the nursing home made some brochures and pamphlets for distribution to new perspective clients. Of all the possible residents, Mom was chosen to be on the cover of the welcome package. Her large effervescent smile was captivating and will live on for a long time to come in the hearts of those who knew her. However, that's not what I wanted to write about.

 

I do remember that call; actually, it was an e-mail. An e-mail? Yes, an e-mail from my cousin that first indicated Mom went into the hospital. However, this wasn't the first time that news of a potentially deadly event was communicated to me via e-mail. I have a cell phone, my family knows my cell phone number, however, I was communicated to via e-mail. Mom was battling Leukemia for years. She was in the hospital several days a week receiving treatments and platelet infusions. During this time she had several strokes and even had a pacemaker put in. Therefore, I was always expecting that "phone" call any day with the bad news that Mom had either passed away or was in critical care. I remember the first notice when she had the pacemaker put in...

 

I was sitting at my desk (in San Diego, California) and received an e-mail from my cousin in Maryland. The e-mail said, "I heard from my mom (my aunt in New Jersey) that your mom (in Pennsylvania) had to be rushed into the emergency room, what is happening"? Neither my cousin nor my aunt could reach anyone in my family regarding what was going on. As a concerned son, I immediately started calling all my relatives in Pennsylvania to determine the seriousness of the situation. First, half of the phone numbers I had were disconnected (I'm talking immediate family here, not long distance twice removed family but direct bloodlines - you would have thought they would have notified me). I called their home numbers and cell phones and still got either voice mail or a disconnected line. Not knowing how long it would take for someone to return my call, I decided to think of alternative ways to contact them. I guess I could try, against my better beliefs, e-mail. Sitting at my computer I e-mailed everyone, most of the email bounced back as being a bad email address (I did mention this was my immediate family, correct).

 

Now, panic started to set in, putting on my Grilldog Cap of Wisdom I had what I considered, a desperate, lame and totally ridiculous last shot effort... "let me check MySpace". Not expecting any fruitful results, I logged on and to my shock, everyone of my relatives were on line on MySpace, chatting away about mindless dribble. I quickly sent an instant message to everyone to keep me posted on mom's condition. Another shock! I was the only one in my immediate family that knew mom was in the hospital (Now remember, I live in California and they all live in a small town in Pennsylvania). In the end they went to the hospital, found mom, she was doing better, a pacemaker was put in and I was notified of the progress the entire time, via e-mail...

 

I'm not sure what the world is coming to when no one wants to talk to each other. Has an ever-progressing need to be connected to the internet driven us to be nothing more then a bunch of pigeons pecking away at a keyboard? Will speech be eventually depleted from the human race due to an evolutionary regression? There are actually many people I know who refuses to use the phone. They have a cell phone, a work phone and even a home phone; however, when they ring, they don't even look to see who the caller is. At the end of the day, either during a commercial or relaxing their cramped fingers from endlessly typing away, they'll check all the voicemails at once. If someone needs a call back and they don't have an e-mail address, well, the message isn't going to be answered. Fortunately, anyone with a known e-mail address will get a response, oh and you will also be notified to please follow up with an e-mail next time, remember, YOU must be considerate.

 

It's been a year since mom passed away. I'm probably the only one in the family that even remembers the actual date. Mom's picture is still on the cover of the welcome package at the nursing home and there are pictures of her hanging on the walls there too, in memory of her love. My newborn son will never know that it's Grandmom. We didn't even know he was conceived until about 5 days after mom passed away. I'll never forget that call from my wife that she was pregnant.

 

I should have known something on the high end of importance was in the works when my cell phone started ringing and it wasn't a text message. After all, it was an incoming PHONE call.