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Right now I can't make him feel for me and I can't control his feelings. That's something that I have to accept; I can't expect him to feel the same way.

I'm the type of person, though, that does want to make everything better and no matter if I didn't do something to mess this up, I still want to make things work. I want to be able to control things but in a situation like this shows that I have no control, and the control that I do have is too suffocating.

Everyone makes mistakes, whether we learn from them or not, and it's just as clear if we're willing to accept that we did wrong and are willing to change the outcome, apologising for the wrongdoing. Changing is hard but when you make a mistake that has affected you in a negative way you're willing to accept and move on with your life, knowing what to do next time. Making mistakes is human; everyone does it since no one is perfect.

Mistakes in the relationship was a big thing. We definitely made mistakes in younger and more immature years but now that we are grown adults, I think we are mature enough to know how to handle ourselves.

I am scared; scared that he won't feel how I feel.

I do understand that he has a life and right now, and he is trying to get things straightened out. I know distance is a big factor as well. But why can't I be in his life? Why can't he include me in his life? Why does he allow me to come into his life for a little while then just be able to shut me out?

How is he just being able to leave with nothing? Does that mean that he never cared, that he never wanted things to work out? How can he allow this whole coming in and out of my life? I can't escape from so many questions.

I guess I should just accept things for what they really are right? Stop trying to change the world? Stop trying to control things that I can't control!

I don't regret calling him, as I think personally this was good for me to just see him again. But as much as I'm hurting for him to just understand how I truly feel, I guess things happen for a reason.

Although if I did have one more chance to look into his eyes and tell him how I genuinely feel I would say no matter where I was in life, I always carried you in my mind, body, and soul. Just the memory of your face and the happy memories where shared, you got me through a lot of rough times in the past three years with just hoping one day I would see you again. I just hope you're proud. I can never escape from you. You followed me everywhere.

I have finally realized over the past few months of talking to you that I will always love you no one will every replace you. I am not going to run from how I feel anymore. I want you to know just how far I would go to prove how much you mean to me, but I think I have done that. I'm a strong believer of "actions speak louder than words" and I tried really hard to show you just how much I have loved you. Loving a person doesn't mean you have to be with them, if you love them enough let them go because their happiness matters.

A person has to follow their heart and following your heart means being true to yourself! Just know that where ever you are, whatever you're doing and how hard life is, there is always someone out there that will love you forever!