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So I was walking down Hollywood Boulevard with Dudley Moore, looking for the
theater playing the hot new sci-fi thriller Vytorin vs. Lipitor, when we bumped
into Andrew Duggan. The tall, clay-crafted actor looked lost.
"Hey Andy," I said, didn't we see you at Richard Long's funeral?"
"Yes," said Andy. "That was months ago."
"It was," I said. "But I remember because that was the same night me and Dudley
here went to James Coburn's house for dinner and wouldn't you know it, Lee J.
Cobb comes in and tells us that William Friedkin, who directed him in The
Exorcist, got sick from a vegetable he ate at Sonny Bono's place on
Melrose."
Dudley poked me and pointed to the ground, saying, "Hey look."
"Well what do you know, Andy," I said, "we just happened to see you and stop
right on top of Liza Minelli's star here on the Walk of Fame."
Andrew was moving his head right and left and right and left, not paying much
attention to me or Dudley, who was way shorter than Andrew. "Are you looking for
Bourbon Street?" I asked Andy, laughing at the reference to his old
television series, Boubon Street Beat.
"No, no," said Andy. "I am looking for the limo that is supposed to take me to
the Pantages Theater."
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"Hell, you can walk there from here," Dudley said. "I wouldn't, seeing as I
don't get around well with this club foot."
"Are you going to see our good friend Tony Newley at the Pantages?" I asked.
"Is he in the production running there now?" said Andrew.
"Maybe," I said. "Last I heard he was thinking of bringing back Roar of the
Greasepaint. You know, updating it. Billy Dee Williams told me that when I was
over at Herb Alpert's office. You know, the old Charlie Chaplin studio? Billy
said Andy Williams, who me and Dudley saw at a recording session last week,
where we dropped by with Glen Campbell, who is in town to have sex with Tanya
Tucker, but don't quote me on that, and ... "
"There he is," Andrew said, pointing to a long black limousine that pulled up to
the curb.
"I know that driver," said Dudley.
"Sure you do, Dud," I said as Andy waved and headed for the limo's back door,
now being opened by a portly fellow who we could tell was bald even with his
limo-driver's cap on his head. "That's the same driver that took you and me to
NBC studios the night Peter Scolari's pants caught fire in the hallway and
Olivia Newton John came over to us and asked about John Travolta and we told
her that we saw him earlier that evening at Chason's with Michael Keaton and,
oddly enough, Diane Keaton was sitting at the bar at Chason's."
"Was that the same night?" Dud said, belching as he watched Andrew Duggan's
limo drive east down the boulevard.
"I am certain," I said.
Dudley made me hail a cab and go with him to the Steinway Piano Warehouse where
he wanted to buy a piano much like the one we saw at Liberace's house the
afternoon we were there with Angie Dickenson and Sean Connery, who was telling
us that Mel Brooks called him earlier in the day and asked where he could get
a toupee...
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme
Cotolo
Chronicles, every Thursday starting at 9 pm on Network 1KX.
