| Santorum strikes solidly in southern states |
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Frank Cotolo
March 13, 2012 |
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A two-state sweep in the south by Rick Santorum had most journalists writing alliterations in their
headlines. The one-time chaser of six other Republican candidates defeated Mitt Romney, who was
ahead in Mississippi polls, and Newt Gingrich, who was ahead in Alabama polls. All three of them
beat Ron Paul who was never ahead in any poll except the one that indicates he can do best against
President Obama.
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Santorum acted surprised as he accepted the victories on state in Louisiana, where he was
campaigning for that state's primary next week.
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"No one said we would win Alabama," Santorum said, "because Tubby—I mean Newt—was supposed to have
it locked up."
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Gingrich was ahead in the Alabama polls among a large male block of voters: men with banjoes on
their knees. But Gingrich lost all the other categories to Santorum and Romney.
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"We walk away with a lot of delegates," said Gingrich, whose pants were let out for the seventh
time since the Iowa caucuses.
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A spokesman for the Gingrich campaign who spoke to us under the condition of anonymity, said,
"Newt is happy because he beat Romney. That's all he wants to really do, you know, because the
Newtster will do anything to make Romney hurt politically. Don't get me wrong, Newt wants to
become the nominee and be president but he really wants to be sure Romney grinds his teeth to
the gums right up to the end."
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Romney disappeared from both states to have a fundraising event in the east and was not available
for comment. However, a source close to Romney who spoke with us under the condition that we use
the name Squeaky, said that Romney was not grinding his teeth because Gingrich came in second in
the two southern primaries.
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"Governor Romney was eating a fruit cup," said Squeaky, and enjoying every piece of it at the
fundraiser. He slept on the plane and did so with his mouth open. A few of us took turns drying
his chin. You can't grind teeth with your mouth open."
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Santorum said he was leaving for Puerto Rico to campaign there for a day or two.
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"We want those people to know that we are going everywhere there is a Republican to bring them the
message that I am the true conservative," Rick said just before he was overheard whispering to his
wife about not wanting to eat any food made by Puerto Ricans during the stay.
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Ron Paul was seen smiling in Alabama among a group of men playing jug band music. A reporter asked
the congressman if he was going to stay in the race.
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"Of course I am," Paul said, "after all, I am a candidate and even though I didn't get any
delegates tonight I know that liberty is the true message and all those guys with the delegates and
the money are full of hooey."
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Mitt Romney still leads in the delegate count and is expected to pick up more wins and support
next Tuesday.
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"Mitt is the inevitable nominee," Squeaky said. "Newt has as much chance of being president as I
have of affording a suit like Mitt wears. Don't get me wrong, I like Newt." He paused for a moment
and then said, "I take that back, I don't like him."
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Frank Cotolo can be found
hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles.
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