Remnants of Romney as Dems convene
 
Frank Cotolo
September 5, 2012
 
Mitt Romney accepted the Presidential nomination and running mate Paul Ryan accepted the VP spot and the Republican National Convention came and went without any seeming advantage for Romney.
 
The usual post-convention bounce a candidate receives in the polls was not recorded for Romney, whose acceptance speech was considered bland at best, even by some fellow supporters.
 
"I don't remember much about the speech," said a delegate. "But boy, does Clint Eastwood look old or what?"
 
Clint Eastwood, Oscar-winning director and famous spaghetti-western star, made a surprise appearance at the convention, causing controversy when he ad-libbed talking to President Obama at an empty chair to his left on the podium of the hall.
 
"His chauffer said Mr. Eastwood was talking to the beverage cooler in the limo," said a convention organizer. "He wasn't rehearsing, he was addressing the cooler as if it were Ronald Reagan."
 
Romney talked a lot about himself in his speech, trying to become closer to a public that has urged his camp to tell it more about the man. Romney made sure he confirmed his masculinity and told stories of his family and how he grew up a "normal kid".
 
After his speech the public reacted.
 
"There was nothing normal about Romney's upbringing," said one registered voter. "He grew up rich, went to rich schools and hung out with rich people. I think his father's name was George, I remember him saying that."
 
Another voter said, "I know him better now. He loved his mom, he is from the Midwest and he was elected once somewhere. Wait, was that Ryan?"
 
Romney cast strong aspersions on President Obama in the speech. He admitted to caring that Obama succeeded when he became president. This has been a bigger secret than the tax forms he withholds but he said it and then talked about his great disappointment in how the president's policies.
 
"We wanted to pump the speech more," a Romney speechwriter told us under condition of anonymity. "I, for one, wanted Mitt to say it only matters that President Obama was born in America because that fact allowed him to run for president, become president and ruin the country during his first and hopefully only term. Mitt liked that but then we called Donald Trump to see if he thought it was prudent and Trump said, 'What do you mean by prudent?' so we dropped the line."
 
Another insider said, "We were concerned that Mitt might say he didn't know Walter Matthau passed away, so we wrote his speech carefully."
 
Another insider said, "Willard - yes, I call Mr. Romney by his actual first name - told me that he wanted to say lines that would lift the spirits of independents as well as the loyal group in the arena. We told him that was a great idea but we didn't tell him that the group in the arena was not so loyal. Nor did we tell him that we had to pay Newt Gingrich for an endorsement speech. We have plenty of campaign money but thankfully it turns out Newt works dirt cheap."
 
"It would have been nice to get a bounce," said a friend of Karl Rove, who looks exactly like Rove from behind. "We would have loved ten to twenty points but would have settled for three. Still, we feel that come Election Day everyone will feel that Mitt Romney can lead this country into prosperity, even with a few more wars. Opps, don't print that last thing."
 
Running-mate Paul Ryan's speech energized most people but not those in the audience who make their living as barbers.
 
"What is with that little point on his brow?" said one Republican barber. "That is not a good look for a Vice President."
 
Another Republican barber said, "Ryan has too many sharp facial features to wear the hair style he wears. He should pay attention to Romney's head. Now there is a haircut."
 
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles.
 
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