September 2009

 

Tylenol kills pain, may hurt liver, is harmless to oxen

 

 

 

Frank Cotolo

 

The high dose of Extra Strength Tylenol sharply increases liver damage, according to a new study. But, researches say that because Tylenol kills pain so well, a liver can be nonfunctional for months before a person feels any pain.

 

Although overdoses of Tylenol have been found to harm the liver, no one ever complained about liver problems, since they were taking Tylenol to kill pain at the time. The study is the first to spot hints of trouble by doctors suffering from jaundice.

 

"This study shows that some people should just bite the bullet and hurt," said Dr. Desmond 'Ducky' Foramen of the University of Southwestern Physical Discolorization, who was not involved in the research.

 

Tylenol is the leading brand of pain relievers and cold remedies, though Bufferin and Anacin claim they sell more units. "No one masks pain like Bufferin," said a Bufferin spokesperson, smiling even though his ear was dangling from a recent accident with a house fan.

 

An estimated 100 million Americans take over-the-counter painkillers safely each year. One of them said, "I don't care if my liver shrinks, I don't want to hurt no more, no more, I don't want to hurt no more."

 

Still, the over-the-counter drug is allegedly the leading cause of acute liver failure in the U.S., and some researchers say they suspect it may have something to do with not having the focus to read a Phillip Roth novel. Other researchers called for increased regulation to prevent overdoses in almost every state. "We are not calling for regulation in Montana or Alabama because these states have no actual purpose," said a researcher who refused to admit his name is G. Smith Contrary.

 

In England, concerns about suicide attempts led to restrictions on how many pain pills could be sold at a time. One British regulator said, "These commercial painkillers have a tendency to be overtaken, sometimes chewed and often dissolved in brew, specifically room-temperature beer. When taken with strong English tea, the person has been known to experience a lack of feeling in the left nostril, which often is a sign of depression and a seething desire to poke oneself in the eye with a spoon."

 

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