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For the love, and cooking
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Page 2
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Unfortunately, I got a call that no one ever wants to get. My mother had a
heart attack and because she signed a living will, they took her off of life
support. Mom lived in a small town in Pennsylvania and I lived in San Diego,
California. Despite the distance, the job, the show and everything else, I
caught a plane to try and connect with my mother that was assuredly for the
last time. My nephew met me at the Baltimore Airport, and we departed promptly
and without circumstance, north.
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Mom had been battling leukemia for a number of years. She was actually
diagnosed with cancer in the early 80s but didn't want to worry anyone about
it, so no one knew. Relocating to Pennsylvania to be closer to her daughter,
Mom and Dad felt their retiring days would be full of peace and comfort. At
least that is what we thought, because Mom didn't want to worry us about her
illness. However, she kept journals that I inherited. Therefore, I know.
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Mom spent the last years of her life struggling with an agonizing debilitating
illness that neither my sister nor I were aware of. Mom spent her life working
in the church, supporting her faith and doing everything she could to be the
best Mother in the eyes of her lord. She felt that by telling us about her
illness she would be a burden to our family and would distract us from our life
long goals. Therefore, she kept it her secret. However, her journals reveal a
different story.
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Agonizing in pain and suffering, Mom did her best to travel to the hospital
without contacting her family for treatments. Needing weekly infusions of
palettes (that's blood stuff), Mom struggled in secret.
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It was Mid March I got the call, the call that no one wants to ever receive.
First, on Sunday night, there was a voice mail from my cousin; Mom was in the
hospital again. Monday morning my sister called, Mom had a heart attack, no
family is around, and they are taking her off of life support systems, call the
doctor. With post haste I phoned the doctor who knew my background in the
medical world and explained the situation to me. Of course, he couldn't tell
me to fly out immediately because it was the end, I don't think doctors do that.
However, realizing what the doctor was saying, I matter-of-factly stated, "So
Doc, what you are telling me is that I really need to fly out to see mom now."
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It was a long and suffering illness. Unconscious, hooked up to the minimal
life support, IV nutrients and moister, tubes for the extraction of waste, Mom
laid there motionless. It was a horrible experience, one that I would not wish
on my worst enemy. My sister, two of her children and me, stood vigil for over
a week, watching our Mother deteriorate into a husk. The only contacts we had
from our family were requests for items in mother's will, and Mom had not passed
away yet. That had to be the darkest point in my memory. After a week and a
half, Mom passed away and our family lives on. However, I'll never forget that
week and a half, watching Mom slowly slip away, adding comfort to my sister and
her children and dealing with relatives that were more interested in what they
could get from what poor offerings Mom had left, then adding comfort to those
loving siblings and offspring standing vigil.
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2008 was indeed a bizarre year. After Mother passed away, I returned to San
Diego and tried my best to deal with my loss and get back to the job and my wife.
Within a few days I received a phone call from my wife, she was pregnant. Joy
and sadness filled my heart. Me, at 48 years old, my mother had long since given
up on ever being a Grandma by me and passed away less than a week before she
would have had her heart fulfilled by the joyous news. Timing can be a bad
thing at times.
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For those who have been following my show and previous recipe book, Grilldog
Presents is all about Food, Fun and Friends. I bring this story to
light because I would like to stress to folks all over the world keeping secrets
really hurts your family in the long run. Your parents, your children, your
friends, they are a part of your life and if you truly have a problem, they want
to help out, not out of pity but out of love. Therefore, be truthful with each
other and feel the love and support of everyone. Now that's a Grilldog
Tip to live by.
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In the short 50 years of my life, I feel safe to say that all of us know what
it feels like to be mild mannered Clark Kent. We are basically normal ordinary
people, perhaps even boring with about as much excitement and diversity in our
lives as a game of Tic Tac Toe. I think deep down we all would like to be able
to hear that cry for distress, rip off our button down shirt and do something
extraordinary. That is what I like to think I'm doing, just an ordinary person
making a difference.
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