Column Chronicles: In memory of Waston Beckersmile

In memory of Waston Beckersmile

Frank Cotolo
November 19, 2015

I stood at the podium just beside the casket, a tear in my eye and I looked out at the wet faces, the old and young family and friends of Waston Beckersmile and I said a few words.

"Anything I say about Waston would only be something someone else said a million times.

"So let's move on to what I got from knowing him.

"First, he was a lousy driver and that made me understand how important it is to a taxi-cab driver to be good at steering and turning and using the windshield wipers, especially in the rain.

"Second, Waston had bad feet. I mean bad, like the toes curled up. He knew they were strange but still be visited Thom McCann and asked for try on 'those green ones with the laces.' Those feet almost kept him from going in the Army but that day the quota was not met but for one man and Waston served the purpose. Luckily, I was next in line and I got to go home.

"Waston's kids? Yeah, you three guys there in the front row. Let me tell you that I would not be standing here if Waston was still alive. It's true. I would be home, cooking some broccoli, using plenty of butter to heighten the flavor of that healthy vegetable. I can still have that broccoli later. But here I am now, telling you kids what your father must have said a thousand times: eat your broccoli.

"Mrs. Beckersmile, dear Alice. It is Alice, right? Dear Alistair, you have been so fortunate to have shared your life with Waston because he liked sharing. Once, he gave me a piece of his cooked steak at a smorgasbord. I asked if he was truly willing to give me a piece of that steak from his dish and he said yes, because he could go back for seconds and thirds, that is what is good about a smorgasbord.

"Still, it was a shock when I heard he passed on. I immediately called some of his friends. Good friends like Sam, Tommy the Tick, Germface Jerry, Homer, Takamichi, Viral Lou, Ernie, Bernie, Jack, Mack, Killer Cruller, Jimmy, Timmy, Adolph and Mike Measles. We tried to make it a conference call but there were not enough people to get the bargain rate. I guess it is no surprise that none of them showed up for this service. No one likes them or cares if they live or die but Waston was not like that, he was true and loyal and usually carried a handkerchief for each of his friends, in case they needed to clear their nostrils or cover a blood spot.

"Now I must leave you and fortunately for me, not in the way Waston has left us. As the days go by I will think of him often. Hell, I may even still send him a birthday card next May or June or whenever that birthday of his comes around.

"Waston Beckersmile will be missed. Not today but in the near future for sure. Thank you all.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.