Column Chronicles: Fighting anxiety victims

Fighting anxiety victims

Frank Cotolo
April 16, 2015

Maybe we are not living in the Age of Anxiety but that doesn’t mean anxiety is gone forever from everyone. Age or no age, there is no age when anxiety may not surface, drilling holes into plans, exploding otherwise wonderful experiences and burying hope for a safe trip to the grocery store.

Fighting anxiety sometimes fuels it and it is a shame that there are so many things that can spark anxious feelings. That is why I personally concocted a list of some things that, if said, intensify a spell of anxiety. Don't say these things if someone is becoming anxious.

"Oh, just think about something else."
An anxious person is apt to slug you as a response to this so-called advice. It would be better if you were not so general. Like, "Oh, just think of flowers coming out of the ears of Jennifer Aniston while she is coming out of the bathtub and licking her lips." Wait, that just made me anxious.

"I don't see why this is such a big deal."
Big deals are subjective. One person’s big deal is another person's swat of a fly. People are distinct and their feelings are all different, unless you gather a group of eunuchs and ask them if they like porn. An anxious person is on edge and ready to collapse, so don't say it isn't a big deal and for goodness sake don't let them drive you to the airport.

"Why don't you just pray more?"
Before you give any spiritual advice to an anxious person, find out the specific details. Don't suggest they pray more unless you know to whom they should be praying. Find a patron saint of anxiety or make one up but don't insinuate that God will suddenly stop trying to stop the spread of AIDS in Africa to stop a single person from being nervous. I find that using the name Saint Albatross works.

"You don't look like there's anything wrong with you."
Oh come on, everyone looks like there is something wrong with them. Even a person having an anxiety attack knows this while shaking and sweating and becoming entirely disoriented. Check yourself in a mirror; don't you look like some deep, depressing injustice you harbor is raring to be released and create havoc? I should say so.

"You're just doing this to get attention."
There are no two, three or a million other ways to lose a friend than to say that to anyone suffering from anxiety. Think about it. Why would someone vomit, tremble, stumble on words and stammer on thoughts to get anyone's attention if that kind of behavior would attract negative attention? Acting like a person about to come apart at the seams would not exactly prompt applause from viewers. Did you ever see someone go batty in public? Sometimes people run away, not towards, a person acting strangely. Why look stupid when you don't have to prove to anyone you are stupid because they already know?

"Just get it under control."
This flat out does not work. In fact, it can make an anxious person go over the top and maybe even cause heart failure. What a burden to put on someone who is out of control. How could that person get control if becoming out of control is the main ingredient for an anxiety attack? If you use this statement to try to ease someone out of his or her anxiety you may be signing your own death warrant. Research shows, by the way, that people who sign their own death warrant rarely have a chance of revoking the terms of the warrant and usually die.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.