Column Chronicles: Talkin' the enviroment

Talkin' the enviroment

Frank Cotolo
January 29, 2015

In my many travels as a speaker I was honored to appear before members of the most influential environmental organization in Washington, the Sierra Club. Since one of my homes is located just north of Lancaster, Pennsylvania where a chapter of the club recently launched, I met members at their weekly meeting in a school auditorium. What follows is the text of my talk.

"Good evening and thanks to the Sierra Club for inviting me to speak to you about one of the crucial issues facing our planet, short of the untimely death of comic-book character Archie.

"Only the other day, which was the annual environmental holiday called Earth Day, I thought to myself how many people don't care about saving the ecosystem. I'll bet you that number is in the tens and that a great percentage of them cannot define 'ecosystem.' I asked a number of people what it meant and got some ignorant answers. One person thought it was a method for making echoes. Another person thought it was a new drug for ED. And yet another person asked me to get out of his face.

"You and I certainly know how important saving the ecosystem will be to the future of this planet. Without an ecosystem, what kind of planet would we have, anyway? I'll tell you; we would have an ecosystem-less planet and that could destroy all trees. Without trees, civilization would be in dire trouble, if not great trouble, and then there will be no fruit and we would be stuck with artificial fruit made with chemicals and coloring that causes cancer. Try saying that five times fast: coloring that causes cancer, coloring that causes cancer, coloring that causes cancer, coloring that causes cancer. Is that five? I lost count.

"Every one here tonight works endlessly for conservation and if not endlessly then intermittently and if not intermittently then a few hours a month, the least. What matters is that you folks are volunteers. You aren't being paid, as I will be and handsomely for this talk, you are giving of yourself for the sake of the planet. You help with fundraisers and that is important because I, for one, would not be paid handsomely if you didn't work hard to raise money to be sure that the cause is supported.

"And what a mission you support - To explore, enjoy and protect the planet. Imagine taking that responsibility without owning a destructive laser gun? I don't know how you do it but your dedication to doing it is worth its weight in mountain ranges. Your efforts have already accomplished things that may never have been accomplished were it not for your efforts. All of your environmental activities have been environmental efforts that are successful for water, air and the other elements we need to survive as a race.

"Recently I took a rowboat out for a ride on a river in Pennsylvania and I saw dirt and garbage and dead cat cadavers and opened cans of Heinz beans and floating pieces of aerosol spray cans and even an unfolded map of Ohio. I cried. Then, after I ate the delicious chicken salad sandwich I brought along, I thought of all you people and of all the people in the Sierra Club and I felt a twinge of hope that the planet's ecosystem will thrive even after each and every one of us dies, as death must come to all of us.

"Thank you and goodnight."

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.