Column Chronicles: The life and times of a rodeo clown, part seven

The life and times of a rodeo clown, part seven

Frank Cotolo
July 16, 2015

After a few years as a rodeo clown working for The Rootin' Tootin' Wildcat Rope and Revolver Rodeo I became deeply depressed. Whippy The Cowpoke noticed one day that I was moping.

"You look so down today, like I have never seen you look," said Whippy.

I said to him, "I've been feeling this way for a long time."

"But when you are performing as a clown you always smile."

"That's a smile I paint on. It's part of my clown makeup."

"Sure fooled me and I think you fooled about everyone else that sees it."

But I could not fool myself. Just as I could not become stronger by painting muscles on my arms I could not shake my mood of gloom by painting a smile on my face.

Whippy suggested I see the rodeo psychiatrist. I made an appointment and as the rodeo traveled from one town to another I kept that appointment with Cosmo Salthaven, the rodeo psychiatrist.

"So what is wrong with you?" said Cosmo.

"Why aren't you Dr. Cosmo Salthaven?" I asked him.

"I am not a doctor, that's why."

"Can you be a rodeo psychiatrist and not be a doctor?"

"Who is being treated here? You or me?"

"Me."

"Then shut the france up and tell me why you are being treated here? Or is because you are rude to people as you have just been rude to me?"

I apologized to Cosmo and asked if I could call him Cosmo. He frowned and told me to call him doctor Cosmo. I told him I could not do that because he is not a doctor and he told me not to be rude, just to listen and to stop rolling my eyes. But I had to roll my eyes because this guy who was the rodeo psychiatrist was annoying. I told him, calling him Cosmo, that I expected him to help me because I was having moods of gloom. He told me to get out, to go to another rodeo psychiatrist, maybe one that was a real doctor since I thought doctors were superior to him. I used curse words as I stood up to leave and he kicked me in the rear end so I turned around and punched him in the jaw and he fell over and just lie there on the rug. Then I left and smiled for the first time in months.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.