Column Chronicles: The drunken-sailor argument

The drunken-sailor argument

Frank Cotolo
December 17, 2015

Recently I was asked to speak to the United States Naval Academy students in a program that encourages young people to continue their participation in the Navy. The following is the text of my talk.

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For years, sailors from all over the world have suffered from a bad reputation that originated because sailors were liberal with money when inebriated. We have all heard the phrase "he was spending money like a drunken sailor," used when anyone is guilty of wasting money. That is the stain on the sailor's personality that will never be cleansed.

It isn't fair. Sailors have been a strong element of mankind for centuries and they deserve more respect than to be considered reckless drunkards. It was probably a few bad sailors that prompted the phrase. Or it is akin to the word 'drink,' which you all know means the sea. However you look at it, you must not let it distress you. Being in the academy is important, even to drunk sailors.

I like to think that a sailor can overcome any negative image. It isn't easy, since there are always more sailors at docks than any other type of serviceman. You go into a bar near a dock and wham, sailors everywhere. But that is, in part or in whole, because sailors are adventurous before they are perverted. Thirsty, but adventurous.

If you are smart, intelligence can over ride excess pleasurable behavior. At least that's what I have been told. At the academy you learn many things and you should use those things to impress people, letting them know you are a serious student of life. Once you have convinced anyone you are all right, then you can get loaded.

[pause for laughs and applause]

And you can help your own cause by changing the phrase. Maybe it will catch on. Say things like, 'I am spending money like a drunken carpenter.' Or, 'Wow, look at how I am throwing my cash around. Like a neurosurgeon.' Isn't it about time those professions were slurred?

[pause for laughs and applause]

In closing, I want to say how much I admire all of you for your endeavors. I could only dream of having such motivation and dedication as you will be putting into a career as sailors and waves. If I could go back to being as young as any of you I would still not be able to follow your paths but still admire you. Now, after I conclude by saying goodbye, I want to take you all out for a few good stiff drinks and spend like a drunken vacuum cleaner salesman doing it.

Goodbye.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.