Column Chronicles: Predictions for 2016

Predictions for 2016

Frank Cotolo
December 24, 2015

Another year is ready to begin and lots of stuff will be happening. I have a special gift that allows me to evaluate everything that happened in the year passed and use it to predict things that may happen in the next year. Below is a list of many forecasts I am making for 2016 so that we can get an idea of how we may benefit. They are in no particular order.

The first flying car will be offered commercially but it will be called an airplane.

Scientists engage in constant study of life on another planet and then, after a period of engagement, marry.

A viral craze will surface on the Internet.

It will be announced that alcoholic beverages are good for seniors and three months later it will be announced that alcoholic beverages are not good for seniors but seniors will protest and demand that medical experts make alcoholic beverages good for them again.

There will be a global financial scare when Greece becomes the richest nation on the planet.

The Taliban will change its name to Edward.

In America, two top Presidential candidates will get into a public fistfight that leads to them making out.

Former dictator Fidel Castro will begin to write a blog.

Atheists will re-think their disbelief in a higher power after a man of unknown origin allegedly brings eighteen dead atheists back to life long enough to play a full nine innings of softball.

Scientists will be amazed when they discover that atoms have not been essential elements in residents of South Carolina.

Actor Sean Penn will smile in public.

A sample of Donald Trump's hair will come to life, leave his head and open a bank account at Wells Fargo.

The USA Supreme Court will not review any legal cases that make them lose sleep.

Facemasks will become required apparel for anyone attending an opera.

American Express cards will no longer be accepted in Iran.

The trumpet will be banned from the Vatican.

Onward...

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.