Column Chronicles
 
It's not easy being perfect
 
 
Frank Cotolo
October 15, 2015
 
People strive to be better and better at being a person. However, if you are perfect, then it is a waste of time to try to become better.
 
Being perfect isn't always so great, either. There are drawbacks and pit falls, pit backs and bad times, especially since perfect people don't always meet other perfect people, who they would get along with best. It's a lot like the song about people who need people being the luckiest people in the world. Actually, perfect people who find perfect people are the best pair of people in the world because, after all, they are both perfect.
 
My brother was perfect and was going out with a lovely girl. Her name was Ellen or Helen or Bivwack or something like that. She was not perfect (in fact, few people could remember her name unless those people were perfect, like my brother, who always remembered her name). One day, my brother told Ellen or Helen or Buster that he wanted to marry her.
 
"That's sweet," she said. "Then we will discover each other's faults."
 
"You will find I have no faults," my brother said.
 
She was insulted. It was as if my brother said she was stupid and unworthy of him or that she kissed like a chimpanzee or that no deodorant worked on her body odor.
 
"Oh," she said with a snotty tone, "so I guess you're perfect."
 
My brother smiled and said, "So you do love me."
 
But she walked away, refusing to be his wife, though she left him a note that resembled an agreement that my brother could have sex with her only in groups from then on.
 
Another problem with being perfect is schooling. A perfect person cannot help but get the best grades because nothing is difficult to learn and a perfect person never has to even think about correct answers in tests.
 
Take Cisco Bueno, a friend of mine who was discovered in the fourth grade to be perfect. At the point Cisco proved he was perfect, he was allowed to skip all of the grades through high school and sent to college. A lot of the guys in his college were pissed that they had to work their way through all of the grades to get to college and Cisco got there automatically at the age of nine. They tried to beat him up but being perfect, Cisco learned Karate on the spot and kicked their asses.
 
I'll tell you more about some perfect people I knew and know again soon, just not now because I have to change my shoes.
 
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.
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