Column Chronicles: Worry can cause illness, part 2

Worry can cause illness, part 2

Frank Cotolo
October 13, 2016

We continue with our articles on worry and recent studies that show the more a person will worry about anything, the greater the physical body will react.

Doctor conventions have made this issue a major topic in 2016. Discussions about developing a medicine to reduce worry are causing concern among physicians who are worried that such a medicine could be dangerous.

Dr. Frank Foreskin, an English physician, sees the conflict with the concern.

"If we worry about a medicine to extinguish worry," Foreskin says, "we may have reactions to that worry. If we worry a lot about it, for instance, doctors could find themselves subject to fears they never experienced. For instance," Foreskin continued while tending to an obviously annoying itch in his butt crack, "if I were to become too concerned that a medicine ridding worry could make a person face danger because he or she is not worried, that the worry itself is a warning, then not only will I run the risk of pancreatic failure but the person taking the medicine might decide there is nothing wrong with avoiding a crowded elevator by jumping from a six-story window of a building to get to the ground floor more quickly."

Dr. Foreskin's theory did not worry Dr. Amadeus Shove, who said, "That statement is not only incendiary, it is too long. We could express it with brevity and still have a problem supporting its validity."

Chemists at major pharmaceutical companies have gone on the record saying they are excited about working on the various properties of an anti-worry pill, regardless of the side effects, which they admit may be many.

Pre-study on development of such a medication has indicated that any chemicals in league with blocking the "worry" gene may cause side effects as dire as:

... the inability to smile in a ballroom...

... a reduction of saliva that may lead to starvation...

... loss of muscle strength associated with preparing dough for loafing...

... complete disinterest in marriage, gay or straight...

... odd yearnings for downtown Cincinnati.

Modern science may be able to reduce the number of after effects in time but meanwhile, the discussion on how to stop worry from harming bodily functions will continue through 2016 and most likely be the topic in 2017-2019 with other discussions taking place in April 2015 and March 2018.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.