Column Chronicles: Being single could be a healthy deal

Being single could be a healthy deal

Frank Cotolo
July 21, 2016

Lots of studies, if not only a few, show that it is healthier to be married than it is to be single. Now, another study shows that being single can also be healthy.

The DeSorrono Institute (DI), devoted to studying the health aspects of human lifestyles, recently released a study that took over three years to complete (mostly because the statisticians involved in the study were paid intermittently and then with foreign checks that had to have months to clear after turning them into U.S. funds).

"Being single can be a good thing," said one DI researcher. "For one, a single person can stay thinner than a married person. We think it has something to do with the person's eating habits. When a person isn't married, he or she tends to eat less, exercise more and have more sex. All of that burns calories."

The study included the claim that when single people exercised, they saved money because it meant paying for a sole membership. That made the single people happier. Because they felt good, the single people exercised more and because they exercised more they looked great and attracted many possible partners for casual intimacies. The study quoted single people of this nature saying things like "Life is great," "Who needs a steady partner," and "Look at these pecks, babe."

DI results, compiled in a well-lighted room with at least four researchers that passed college math courses with high grades, DI claimed that married people often shared many germs and although single people tended to contract many sexually transmitted diseases, husbands and their wives had less fun getting common and annoying illnesses from one another.

"Single people also have more friends than married people," said another DI researcher. "These are usually the kinds of friends that are easy to maintain because they don't care if you know their birthdays or get them gifts and none of them demand to know why you were you were out last night until 4 a.m."

Money is rarely an issue with single people, according to the study, because being single means having all the money you make to yourself and that stops a person from sharing, which usually leads to resentment.

Resentment, we all know, is stressful and the study concluded that single people have practically no stress compared to married people. Even homeless people who are single, the study claims, have less stress than a two-income marriage.

DI officials made it clear that the study was not suggesting people stay single, just that their lives could be much better if they did not marry.

"We encourage marriage as a lifestyle," said a spokesperson from DI, "but everyone should know the other side of the story, which insinuates that being single could bring happiness to many people."

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.