Column Chronicles: My accurate horoscope predictions

My accurate horoscope predictions

Frank Cotolo
February 23, 2017

Most public Astrology forecasts are so general that it is impossible to take them serious as an individual. However, once in a while, along comes a day's prediction that hits every note correctly. Over the years I have collected my accurate horoscope predicitions. Here are some of them.

Jun. 6, 2000 - Today you need to negotiate to get anything done. First, find someone who wants to negotiate. Secondly, think about something you want to accomplish. If you reverse those actions, have your checkbook ready to pay someone off. Night at home is boring, even as drunk as you are bound to become.

Aug. 11, 2004 - Wishes become expectations and disappointment follows as each challenge becomes a craving to release angst and desperation. You feel stressed and your muscles tighten to the point of aching, which steals all of your desire to exist. Other than that, it's a fine day.

Nov. 23, 2006 - A song you hear reminds you of a past love and you become obsessed wanting to know where that person has gone and if he or she can still do a perfect tumble Sault. Other distractions keep you from being productive but most have to do with your saxophone, which is in peril of rusting if you keep it outdoors.

Apr. 4, 2009 - Keeping quiet is important today, especially when traffic cops stop you and they pull their revolvers because you reached for the glove compartment while you are humming "Bad Boys." As well, your boss is on a tirade due to some personal incident having to do with his secretary and this wife, so when he keeps asking you what life is all about while pushing you with both of his arms, just nod and shrug your shoulders.

Sept. 16, 2010 - Don't look now but someone is pointing a knife at you and if you don't move to the left about two feet you needn't check tomorrow's entry for Sagittarius.

Sept. 17, 2010 - It's a good thing you moved at all yesterday or that knife would have gone into your spine. Sometimes mistaken identity in the wrong hands can mean misery and pain to the wrong people.

Dec. 22, 2013 - Who is the Virgo you think about so often these days? Is he or she someone you want to get to know or just an imaginary lover? Be careful making people up in your mind because you will never be able to take them to dinner and marrying a fictional lover is still illegal in most states.

Jan. 3, 2014 - It's best you stay in today and get paperwork done. You may also find it pleasant to work with steel but that will mean using a blow torch, so if you do, don't forget what happened last time, when your hand slipped and you set Puffy the cat aflame.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.