Column Chronicles
 
Unintelligent movie reviews
 
 
Frank Cotolo
March 9, 2017
 
The Godfather
 
The title character is really just a father, not a Godfather (he is a Godfather to one guy, an actor, but that guy doesn't have much to do with the movie). The title character's family consists of criminals. The family business is doing illegal stuff but somehow none of them are in jail for it. In fact, everyone has a nice car and good clothing.
 
Everyone in the movie solves their problems by killing people and in one scene they solve a problem by killing a guy's pet horse, not the guy. I think that was a mistake in the script.
 
In the end, the youngest son takes over the business when the so-called Godfather, who is his father, has a heart attack while playing in a tomato garden. Then there's a whole bunch of killing, including shooting guys in an elevator and one on the big steps of a big building. Anyway, it's a very colorful movie.
 
The Deer Hunter
 
So there is a bunch of pals that grow up together and they like to go hunting for deer and then they all go into the Army and wind up prisoners in a Vietnam jungle where they outwit a group of enemy guys and escape. But one of them likes a game that the enemies play, a game where you either shoot yourself in the head or you don't and people bet on those two possibilities and that guy gets left behind when the other guys leave the war.
 
I didn't understand why the guy who liked the gun game liked the gun game and stayed in Vietnam or why one of his pals goes back to Vietnam way later after the war and tries to find him. I won't spoil the ending for you but it seems like a long way to go to get to it. This movie is so long that you wonder while you are watching it, hey, how long is this movie going to be?
 
Birdman
 
I thought this was going to be a superhero movie but then I realized there is no Birdman. There is no Birdman in comics, only in this movie where a character was supposed to be the guy famous for playing Birdman. To make matters more confusing the guy famous for playing Birdman is the actor famous for playing Batman in movies where there was a Batman.
 
This is also boring because no one in the movie does anything but complain and explain things and it's blah blah this and blah blah that and all the characters yell and cry and the guy famous for playing Birdman meets Birdman and then he flies and then he is walking around naked in the streets and it is all exhausting just to watch. I would rather read a Spiderman comic, even the new ones that cost a lot.
 
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.
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