Column Chronicles: The new metaphysics

The new metaphysics

Frank Cotolo
April 27, 2017

The art and science of metaphysics is evolving. The new millennium has spawned fresh thinkers and warped reasoning which defies 20th century concepts of philosophy's abstruse branches.

We are proud, if not disillusioned, to present to you the quotes from works by the new movement of metaphysicians, who have taken the field into a territory never imagined and certainly never illustrated, even with stick figures.

"In the beginning there was nothing worth keeping, so nothing of value was lost in the Big Bang." - Pip Soundfeld

"Round and round the universe goes, where it stops, you still have to blow your nose." - Gerry Wolden

"Beliefs make little sense unless they are facts, in which case, you cannot disbelieve, because there is evidence and no one can deny evidence but everyone can believe in it." - James "Jimmy" Cracken

"Basically, you must see the cosmos through the eyes of a good banjo player." - Rory Rain

"They say the map is not the territory. However, try to get to a territory without one." - Larry Petruccio

"Reality isn't always available to explain how a log cabin is built. That’s why someone created Lincoln Logs." - Betty Bulk

"Wild rice never goes crazy." - Stephan Revolver

"The sky is never the limit, since outer space is above it." - Teepee Jones

"Trust what you read that moves your soul, with the exception of anything written by Mitch Albom." - Morrison Winkle

"No Country-Western lyric is worth an orgasm." - Skittle Barley

"The triangle always has three sides but try to explain that to an amoeba." - Wally Belladonna

"Your sense of self should match your scent of self." - Marjorie Smythe

"All creatures need breathing. No creatures need all creatures. Therefore, all creatures breathe alone." - Sally Helping

"And in the end, the love you take, is equal to how much you can get away with taking." - Frank Cotolo

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.