Column Chronicles: More of my accurate horoscope predictions

More of my accurate horoscope predictions

Frank Cotolo
May 11, 2017

I told you this before, that most public Astrology forecasts are so general that it is impossible to take them seriously. However, once in a while, along comes a day's prediction that hits every note correctly. Over the years I have collected my accurate horoscope predictions. Here are some of them.

Feb. 23, 1997 - Nothing you do today will feel accomplished but that won't stop you from starting a new project. Though seemingly impossible, you will write down all of your ideas on building a rocket ship. Not just any rocket ship; a rocket ship you could personally build and launch from your backyard. Stay home tonight and go to bed early.

May 4, 1989 - What a brilliant day for roller-skating. Your finances are in arrears and it makes you depressed but you must resist taking hard drugs. That love interest you thought felt the same about you won't be coming around again, especially if you are married. Drink a lot of water.

Jan. 1, 2000 - A New Year's celebration is no place for you. Forget about resolutions because in the next 12 months you will have no will power and unless you become serious about bowling you will gain a lot of weight. But as for today, the first day of the year, you feel all right and hope that everything you just read is garbage.

Feb. 16, 2000 - Remember your horoscope on New Year's Day of this year? Pretty accurate so far, right? As for the bowling, keep to the Jersey side when tossing for spares.

Nov. 4, 1996 - Do not make right turns while driving today. In fact, don't turn right no matter how you are traveling, even on foot. Someone in your family is planning to kidnap your dog. The workplace has a strange odor to it in the morning.

April 1, 1993 - Today is the day sorrow comes, as the Bible puts it. Sometime around 4 p.m. you think you have gas but it actually your spleen slowly coming apart. By the time you realize there is no time to get to a doctor, you will pass away, die, terminate, buy the farm, kick the bucket, et cetera. However, APRIL FOOLS!

Dec. 6, 1995 - You awake with the uncontrollable urge to accurately imitate Jimi Hendrix but after breakfast you change your mind. Luck with card games will assist you if you play card games between the hours of 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. Your lucky Lottery numbers could bring in some cash. Those numbers are 56, 4, 55, 3, 16, 65, 37 and 8. Maybe throw in a 33 and a 21 somewhere, too.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.