Column Chronicles: The Russian jet controversy

The Russian jet controversy

Frank Cotolo
July 13, 2017

Over the past year, since Russia introduced its super maneuverable Su-35 fighter jet, there have been rumors that the "Super Flanker," as some call it, is a "toy" compared to what the Russian military is developing in warplanes.

When asked about warplane production, Russian military spokesman Ivan Kovakishnov said the Su-35 fighter jet is a "toy" compared to its U.S. counterpart, Boeing's F/A-18 Super Hornet.

Kovakishnov said, "This jet is a toy compared to the technology of the U.S. F A eighteen, the one they call the Super Hornet."

"Nothing is better, right now, than the Super Hornet," said a U.S. military source. "It was here before the Russians made their Super Flanker, which, you may notice, uses the word 'super,' just like our jet."

"Our jet has twin engines," said Kovakishnov.

The U.S. military source claimed that the Russian jet's engines are different from each other. He said, "The Russians think that 'twin' means two, when it means two that are exactly the same. So they are misrepresenting their jet. Our Super Hornet has two engines that are twins - exactly the same."

"Our jet fighter engines are vectoring engines," said Kovakishnov. "This means they vector, which is a movement invented by Russian technological people."

"All right," said the U.S. military source, "engines don't vector. Ask that Russian guy what the jet does when it vectors."

Kovakishnov ignored the definition of vector and said that the new Russian jet is due to be replaced by "a greater magnificence in jet technology, which will include more features than the Super Flanker, ones that will be more deadly."

"See," said the U.S. military source, he doesn't know a jet engine from a bowl of vodka. Russia just sold China two dozen Super Flankers and our intelligence told us that Kovakishnov closed the deal by including crates of stainless steel wok ladles, hammered shovels, scoops, skimmers and other Chinese cooking tools made at the same factory as the jet."

Kovakishnov insists that the design of the Super Flanker is superior to the Super Hornet, "and it makes less noise in the air."

The U.S. military source argued that a warplane in the air making noise is not a negative and that the Super Hornet makes an intimidating sound, like a warplane should make when waging war.

Kovakishnov said that soon the Russians will introduce another warplane that is so powerful it will be able to "blow up the moon, if necessary, because it will have triplet engines and more vector power."

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.