Column Chronicles
More of my diary notes
Frank Cotolo
July 27, 2017
Often, I let the public in on some of my personal writings, those thoughts, emotions and entirely fictional entries from my diary. Here are some random excerpts from early 2017.
Jan. 1
I don't remember midnight, just some images. There was a woman dancing on a tricycle, a man pouring champagne into a trumpet, a used-care salesman tossing his toupee into the air and hush puppy slippers.
Feb. 22
Uma came over today and told me she was going to change her name to Umbrella. I took her to dinner and she insisted I pay the check, along with her rent. Later, we picked up her mom at a rare midnight bake sale for divorcees. Her mom wants Uma to marry me but I haven't asked her to be my wife, only my dentist.
March 4
It was a day our Polar Bear Club meets to swim in the city river. The temperature today was 10 degrees, so I called the club captain and told him I wasn’t going into the water in this cold. He was pissed. He said I signed up to be a member of the club but I never want to swim when it's cold. I was starting to feel he was suspecting I only signed up to get the free pass to the circus.
March 7
I was thrown out of the Polar Bear Club but tomorrow I am taking Uma to the circus.
March 8
The circus didn't get to town as planned because the circus train derailed crossing into the state. Uma still wants to change her name but this time she wants to change it to something that is not an object such as Umbrella. She came up with some suggestions like Starlight, Sunshine, Buttercup, Fragrance, Epiphany, Florida, Tolerance, Whisper and a few others. I told her just don't change her name to something that sounds like a dog.
May 5
It's Cinco de Mayo but I can't celebrate because my sombrero was lost in a tornado I was caught in last year when I visited Texas. The funny thing is that I only went to Texas to buy a sombrero at the Mexican border.
June 12
I was almost hit by a speeding car today. That would not be so odd but for the fact that the car was driven by one of the members of my old Polar Bear Club. I think his name is Zoot. He had some mental issues but everyone said they were all in his head.
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