Column Chronicles: Me, as Sagittarius - Frank Cotolo on 148.ca

Me, as Sagittarius

Frank Cotolo
August 17, 2017

Astrology experts swear that the description of the sign of my birth truly describes my personality. I tend to agree about the good stuff described in a Sagittarian’s profile. Sagittarius, they say, for instance, is honorable, honest, trustworthy, truthful, generous and sincere. If they add a liar to that, then they are right on the money.

They also claim this sign makes people modest and often religious. When I was younger I was very religious. I even trusted Catholic priests. I don't know if I have ever been modest but others think I am modest about certain things, though in a room with many people I am usually the oddest, not the modest one.

I am profound and "equipped with foresight and good judgment." In fact, my foresight equipment works so well you might say I have fivesight [sic]. Perhaps I would make a good judge, though I can't wear those judge robes, I trip and fall all the time when I am wearing a bath robe.

The description claims a Sagittarian is straightforward in love, normally conventional and in control of his or her sexual nature. I am not sure if using objects with batteries, scuba gear, slide rules, Magic Markers, pith helmets, Teddy Bears, rolling pins, compasses and other things fit into the conventional category but it is true I am in control when using them.

Sagittarians are natural teachers and philosophers. I am both, having taught philosophy and naturally, that is, without any study of the subject.

Sagittarians are boastful, vulgar and extravagant in private life. These are a few of the dark aspects that are dead-on accurate. Even when I am alone in my house I praise my efforts. When I breakfast, I admire how the soft-boiled eggs are cooked exactly to the correct texture. I love how I buy things I don't truly need, like new socks with designs on them and tight colorful underwear in packages of a dozen.

Vulgar? You bet. If I had a dime for every F-bomb I drop in my private life, I would have enough to buy Europe.

Sagittarians "govern the hips, thighs and sacral area". Tell me about it. You bet I am a great governor of these special places on my body. Recently, I governed my thighs so well that I shared them with a few people at a time while teaching them philosophies and having the foresight to judge their performances.

It is said that some Sagittarian men become playboys and spend lots of times pursuing frivolity and stability. I didn't believe that until I got to the age of 55, when, on a trip to the south of France, I visited a casino and gambled thousands of dollars I did not have but got lucky, won tons of money and gave a party in my hotel room with five supermodels, two of which I still do not recall were not women but looked more like the other three that were woman.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.