Column Chronicles: Even more of my accurate horoscope predictions

Even more of my accurate horoscope predictions

Frank Cotolo
November 23, 2017

I told you before that most public Astrology forecasts are so general that it is impossible to take them seriously. However, once in a while, along comes a day's prediction that hits every note correctly. Over the years I have collected my accurate horoscope predictions. Here are some of them.

Feb. 20, 1990 - You are depressed about the first year of the new decade but cannot decide why you are being so impressed. A friend calls to tell you that no matter how old you become you will die and that sets off a series of negative thoughts that you can only tolerate while doing the Cha-Cha. When evening falls, you talk your girlfriend into helping you write a Last Will and Testament but she leaves you when she realizes she is not in the Will. Sleep it all off; tomorrow you will embrace the new decade, become positive and wonder why you thought the '90s were going so badly.

March 4, 2002 - Someone in your family needs an operation but you are afraid to tell them, since you are not a doctor and have no reason to know the family member is in ill health. Be careful brushing your teeth after eating taco chips. The stress of living up to the standards of others is getting to you but you must resist the urge to throw bricks through the windows of neighbors.

Sept. 1, 2010 - When you wake up after a nap you realize you were just dreaming that your wife had not left you but another part of the dream, the one about your bedroom being on fire, is true. After your put the fire out you feel great to be alive, as well as you feel grateful not to be married. If you know what’s good for you - which the stars doubt very much you do - stay home this evening and balance your checking account. If you still have time afterwards, learn the Dewey Decimal System.

May 15, 1999 - What you are thinking about concerning hang gliding lessons is a whim and you should not take it seriously. There is plenty on your plate these days and you should realize it is important and demands your total attention. Besides, the stars have it on good authority that if you took up hang gliding you would die.

Dec. 18, 1997 - Do not give into the urge you have to eat an entire package of Thomas' English Muffins. You should eat fruit instead. Go shopping for fruit now.

April 23, 2011 - What on earth gave you the idea that moving to another part of the world would make things easier for you? By late afternoon you become sure that it was just a way of running when you should stay where you are, face your current problems head on and smash open that piggy bank you got at the Mexican border years ago and splurge on something useless for yourself.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.