Column Chronicles
(More) Predictions for 2018
Frank Cotolo
January 4, 2018
I'm no psychic and yet sometimes I am given to great prophetic talent. At end of each year and beginning of another, I have revelations about what is going to happen. So inspired by these come-from-out-of-nowhere thoughts, I feel compelled to share them. So here is a list of predictions that I have made for 2018. Or maybe later, it's hard to tell.
At one specific moment in January, everyone in the world will involuntarily shake, causing a shift in the Earth's orbit that alleviates the need for Tuesdays in weeks of the year.
An invasion of a country in the Middle East will by a revolutionary army will topple the government of that country. Then the country be ruled by the leader of that army, whose name is George Washington.
A famous drug company goes bankrupt when no one purchases its medicine products anymore for no apparent reason.
In the Orient, a rash of rickshaws accidents result in deaths for the first time in sixteen hundred years.
At the end of the year it is announced that the most popular name for newborn boys is Rex.
Scientists discover three new planets that are so far away they can not see them.
In the Western Hemisphere this year, it will either be the hottest summer of the century or not.
Towards the end of the year the policies of President Trump will create so many jobs that the only way to fill them will be to immigrate people from the same seven countries that his policies do not allow to enter the country.
Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus will return as a supermarket chain.
Bicycles will be outlawed in Okalahoma after it is discovered that even non-competitive riders take performance-enhancing drugs when they ride.
Soon, every Country & Western music fan will forget Johnny Cash.
The Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame will begin inducting Japanese movie monsters.
German politicians will pass a law that anyone wearing a lobster bib in public will be forced to move to Hawaii.
A mysterious cow disease will suddenly affect donkeys.
NASCAR will pass a controversial rule for all of its races, eliminating the need for turns at all raceways.
Saudi Arabia will buy Kansas and turn it into the world's largest tented territory.
Happy New Year, everyone.
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address:
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