Column Chronicles: Francodamus forecasts

Francodamus forecasts

Frank Cotolo
March 8, 2018

There are times, though not many, when a strange and glorious feeling shakes me and inspires me to suddenly spurt predictions about things that will happen (which is the definition of predictions) and, in a hypnotic state of super-semi-consciousness I forecast things to come (which is what forecasts do, in general). Luckily, there is always someone around to document what I say, thus, I present some of the recent predictions from that extra-perceptive being they call Francodamus...

In the future, ordinary work hours for ordinary people will not be common, they will be whatever hours people want to work and when it is discovered that no people truly want to work, the economy will not only collapse, but no one will ever get their car tuned again.

In days to come, the website known as Angie's List will become a secret hideaway for Jewish people hiding from heinous crimes perpetrated by Nazis.

Some time not so far from now, Russia will think about invading Brazil and taking over its trademark nut business. This will lead to a major build up in Russian shipbuilding because Brazil is so far from Russia that the invading country must use its Navy to get there.

A while from now, sixteen men will be born in the Middle East, but to the left of it, that will have no connection to one another and yet as each one learns to walk he will walk towards the birthplace of the other fifteen, often having to be stopped because children just learning to walk can put themselves in grave danger. When five of the sixteen men grow up (eleven of them die as children while walking carelessly towards the birthplace of the others), they will meet in the desert and reveal to one another things that no one ever known and right now I cannot even predict because, well, I don't know those things because no one knows those things. Then, those things will change the world, but only after each of the five men dispute which of the things they told one another when they met in the desert is more important. Wait, I see something. It’s the names of the five men. There's Oren, Niven, Cedric, Arther and Ringo.

A decade, if not more, from this next prediction, women around the world will be unable to comfortably leave their homes unless they wear a helmet.

In the distant times to come, Thursdays will be edited from calendars and the weeks, months and years will be shorter without them.

So much further from times you can imagine just now, Great Britain will be so destitude as a nation that Parliament will proclaim the new name of the country to be Good Britain.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.