Column Chronicles: Letters to the blog

Letters to the blog

Frank Cotolo
June 28, 2018

People who have been reading this blog for the last decade have been known to send me letters with comments and suggestions. Here are some we recently received, along with replies...

I see a lot of your writings on line. You write a lot. I can't read all of the stuff you put on the Internet because I have other things to do. But I like that you do it. I can't do it.

Thanks but try to make time in your life to read all of them, okay?

Your books that are only available in digital should be in the form of real books because I like to touch real paper and hold the book open on my lap and have a special lamp to light the pages. But you have taken those pleasures from me and none of your books are good enough to make me forget those things.

What things?

Do you sing country songs?

From what country?

These blogs have a healing property to them. Once, I had a sore throat and I put my throat against my computer screen and the throat got better.

They are also good for ED.

You made a personal appearance in my town once and I tried to toss a brick at your head but I never had a good throwing arm so I missed. When are you coming back to my town?

Never.

Are you married? If you are not married I would like to marry you and cook for you and especially wash you. I am great with a sponge. Do you like sponge baths? I would also like to start a garden in your front lawn. Do you have a front lawn or a back lawn or both? Do you have a lot of money? Please send me photos of yourself with a hatchet in your hand because that could close the deal.

Oh, would that be the deal closer? Actually, you had me at the sponge bath.

This is the last time I will ever write to you. I hate your blogs, your radio show, your books and I don't like what you look like in a beret.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that I would be a millionaire.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.