Column Chronicles: Latest apps look exciting

Latest apps look exciting

Frank Cotolo
July 26, 2018

Every day of the week in the world of technology, thousands of people are developing new "apps" that they hope will catch on and make them billionaires. Here are some of the newest app ideas that are on their way to the public.

BLOOD MATCHES

Would you like to be sure that you are meeting a new potential life mate? This new app called Master Mate will connect you with someone who is perfect for you. How does it assure such a match? It finds a member of any sex you prefer and looks for similar DNA strands in areas you prefer, as per your profile. When four or more strands match one another's DNA, you are 99 percent likely to find your mate for life.

CLEAN EATERIES

No matter how hard you try, finding a restaurant that is void of germs is practically impossible. However, with this app, whatever your choice of food, you can find the least likely germ-ridden restaurant.

If you like sushi you can be sure that the raw fish you eat in the app-approved restaurant have only been poisoned to the limit approved by FDA requirements. If you like omelets, you can be sure that the eggs used to make them in the app-approved restaurant are not from hens that have been nibbling on their own feces while producing eggs.

GAUGE YOUR DEATH ODDS

With this app you can check the percentages of possible death for any situation where you may find yourself. If, for instance, you decide to run with the bulls in Spain, the app will provide you with the odds for your survival. The odds are based on the information you provide concerning your fears and general aptitude in the various activities you input. This app is extremely accurate, according to tests that have predicted the demise of many people who have used it to calculate the likelihood of death while skiing, boxing, walking on hot coals, marrying a criminal, learning to juggle torches, walking the streets of Chicago and testing new medicines.

SOUL-SELLING WORTH

There are people who seek immortality by selling their soul to Satan. However, Satan doesn't just purchase any mortal soul; that person must meet Satan's requirements in order to live forever and suffer only on Earth (unless the Master of Fire calls for their presence in Hell). This app will assist the soul-seller in discovering if he or she has what it takes for the deal. Not only does the app display whether or not your soul qualifies, if you do pass the test the app will connect you with Hell and guide you through the soul-selling process that could (no guarantees, after all, it's dealing with Satan) keep you living - if you call not having a soul while on Earth living.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.