Column Chronicles: Francodamus forecasts, part three

Francodamus forecasts, part three

Frank Cotolo
September 20, 2018

As I wrote in part two, there are some times when a strange and glorious feeling goes through me and suddenly I spurt predictions and, in a hypnotic state of super-semi-consciousness they are predictions of things to come. Luckily, there is always someone around to document what I say, thus, I present some of the recent predictions from that extra-perceptive being they call Francodamus...

I am given to a notion that some time from now ordinary things will become strange and soon after that no one will know how to use a screwdriver.

At the end of another century, many people will become extremely smart and yet still use their fingers to count.

Oh no, I cannot believe that I just had a flash about three countries in the world that will not allow anyone to walk in public unless they walk on their hands. Many will be injured.

Three tornadoes will strike at once in a city with a huge population. One tornado will sweep half of the population into a nearby state during a census survey, causing havoc when the government collects too much tax money. The second tornado will take the roofs off of elderly people's mouths. The third tornado will last only long enough to uproot a tomato patch.

The number sixteen will play a prominent role in an American general election come 2020 and it will be contested by both candidates, as well as the National Sphincter Association.

The American circus will return as a major entertainment source. However, it will not include clowns.

Five countries will outlaw postage stamps when it is discovered that licking them causes cancer, especially if they are self-sticking stamps.

The source of all life will be revealed when a meteor falls to Earth and it is discovered it has a door that opens to a compartment where a note reads, in English: HERE IS THE SOURCE OF ALL LIFE.

Many decades from now, egg-eating contests will be an Olympic sport.

Tomorrow, maybe later, someone will knock on the door of a wise sage and prove he is an idiot. Millions will shed tears.

In the future, all drive-through food lanes will insist upon identification cards to prove the person buying the food will be the person eating the food.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.