Column Chronicles: Coffee is healthy enough to make man fly like a bird, or not

Coffee is healthy enough to make man fly like a bird, or not

Frank Cotolo
January 31, 2019

How many studies will be conducted about coffee and health? Coffee has been around for centuries and many times it has been blamed for bad-health issues, like stunting growth and causing heart disease. Other studies claim healthier properties, including a new one which may be the most positive of all.

The new study disconnects coffee, heart disease and cancer. If that isn't enough, read on. If that is enough, you are through reading.

"It goes even further," says study analyst Pert Colestretch. "The findings indicate very strongly that coffee may help people fly like birds."

An association between coffee consumption and flying may sound outrageous but Colestretch made it sound not so outrageous. "Consider that if you know drinking coffee will not give you cancer or strokes or heart attacks, that you could feel so good it would allow you to flap your arms and fly."

Some scientists are not convinced that feeling better than a person could ever have felt or would ever feel while drinking coffee regularly would be enough to make a person do what birds do naturally.

Steven Ignasarus, a well-to-do bird expert, is not convinced the new study should be taken seriously. "If the claim were true, why are there people who have drunk a lot of coffee in their lives and still have no instances of heart disease or cancer, not flying?"

Colestretch responded by saying, "Because the new study wasn't finished yet and people didn't feel as well as they will when they read the results. Then, you will see people gliding around in the sky regularly."

A study to back up the new coffee study, Colestretch noted, claimed that the one thing people wanted from extreme wellness was to fly. "Petrulio Montadero's study on human desires," Colestretch said, "found that five of four people asked admitted that they wanted to fly if only they felt better about it."

Most people feel it is good enough to know that coffee, heart disease and cancer are not partners in affecting the human body negatively. "But is it good enough to make them able to fly?" said Ignasarus.

However, another study on coffee indicates that high consumption of the brew (boiled or espresso) is associated with mild elevations in cholesterol levels. Colestretch said, "You see, the new study mentions 'high elevations' You can only get to those if you can fly."

Most agree more studies are needed.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.