Column Chronicles: More notes from my diary, in no particular order

More notes from my diary, in no particular order

Frank Cotolo
February 14, 2019

April 6 – What's this thing on my toe? It looks like an ordinary pimple but my neurosis tells me otherwise. I should have it checked out soon. I'll wait to see if it grows a head or as large as another toe.

April 15 - Everyone is complaining today because it is the deadline to submit U.S. tax forms. I think they would complain no matter what day the government made the deadline. I should've stayed in the house all day instead of going out in public but I went to the store for milk. Someone once wanted to gift me a goat so that I could get goat milk and never have to mow my lawn again (because the goat would eat the grass). I should've taken that gift.

May 3 - Today is the anniversary of someone but whom I cannot remember. Maybe it was no one I truly knew or cared about and that's why I don't remember him or her.

June 16 - I told her to be quiet about it but she had to mention it to the other one and now the other one is going to tell someone else, I know it because the other one is a blabbermouth and she may even tell it incorrectly so it's going to turn into something all together different and that means all this crap about me and her will be the talk of the town and not one detail will be true. Next time I won't tell her to be quiet about stuff, especially stuff I find private and she thinks is dumb.

June 25 - Texa died. Jesus, he was so young and never sick a day in his life. I miss Texa already, I mean there goes the fifth hand for Poker night at Slim's house. I wonder if Slim knows Texa died? My goodness, what if it turns out that Slim was responsible for Texa’s death or worse yet, Slim killed him? But why would I come up with that scenario? Slim always liked Texa. In fact, one time when Texa’s toaster was on the blink, Slim drove him to the repair shop. Now I'm worried that whatever killed Texa is still out there. Maybe it's stalking me? Crap, I wish Texa had lived.

Aug. 6 - A friend of mine asked me: If I could have a different woman each day of the week as a lover, what would I do? I said, "Go broke." It’s great how I am still quick after all these years. I don't know how I do it; things just come to me and they are always bright and witty. A few weeks back, for instance, I went to my doctor and told him I was having trouble sleeping in my bed. He asked me if there was anywhere else I could try to sleep and I said, "Sure, how about your house?" See what I mean? Fast and funny.

Nov. 25 - I forgot to write in my diary for a month. I was busy and too tired to end my day writing. So what do I do? I sit down for an hour and I write something to fill up the pages of the days missed. Just made crap up. I mean what the hell, right?

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.