I was elated on two levels.
First, I was going to become an FBI agent. Second, I was going to be an agent while pretending to be
the Mr. Rigotta whom the FBI was convinced was me. I guessed since the real Mr. Rigotta never
received a notice about being accepted, he figured he was being rejected.
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Once I became agent Rigotta, I received official identity documents, which allowed me to open a bank
account and cash my paychecks. Things were looking up as I began training for field work.
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My trainer was a guy named Storch. He was big, bulky and he smelled like strawberries. He knew
everything there was to know about weapons and yet he needed help opening a juice box. Go figure.
I learned a lot from him, including how to mortally wound a man using a burrito.
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I was full of myself when I graduated the training course and the department issued me a special
wardrobe, a pistol and a code name. Mr. Rigotta was to be known by fellow agents as Quicksand. Cool.
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My first assignment made me realize that the mistaken identity could be a problem and that the real
Mr. Rigotta must have been far more qualified to be an FBI agent. But I was in too deep to blow my
cover and embarrass the bureau for their mistake, so I did my best. Here's what happened...
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I was part of a three agent team sent to an empty warehouse that was housing a drug manufacturing
operation. We were supposed to crash in and arrest everyone. But the criminals were not in the mood
to be arrested so they began to shoot at us. It looked and sounded like they wanted to kill us but
I had an idea so I shouted to the criminals: "If you all stop shooting and surrender now, the FBI
will promise you complete immunity." They stopped and surrendered, all right, but the tactic was
not appreciated at the main office and when the FBI had to let the criminals go, I was blamed for
"poor execution" of my assignment.
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...to be continued.
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Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You
can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.
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