Column Chronicles
 
My adventures as an FBI agent, part one
 
 
Frank Cotolo
March 21, 2019
 
Now that I can write about it, I want to give my readers a glimpse into my other life, that of an FBI agent who risked his life many times out in the field.
 
I was rejected for FBI agent duty a number of times for what I think were dumb reasons. Once, I forgot to sign my application. Another rejection had to do with a metal rod that I had placed in my leg after I broke my femur. Yet another rejection came when personnel management found a photo in the FBI files of my wife dressed as Andy Griffith.
 
Then, one day, out of the blue, I received a call from an FBI personnel officer.
 
"Mr. Rigotta, we would like to do one more interview before you start training as an agent."
 
I knew I was not Mr. Rigotta but I realized this was a chance for me to become an agent so I thanked the personnel officer and agreed to be on time for the interview.
 
Clearly I looked, sounded and naturally appeared as Mr. Rigotta must have, because during the interview there were no questions as to whom was being interviewed.
 
I was elated on two levels. First, I was going to become an FBI agent. Second, I was going to be an agent while pretending to be the Mr. Rigotta whom the FBI was convinced was me. I guessed since the real Mr. Rigotta never received a notice about being accepted, he figured he was being rejected.
 
Once I became agent Rigotta, I received official identity documents, which allowed me to open a bank account and cash my paychecks. Things were looking up as I began training for field work.
 
My trainer was a guy named Storch. He was big, bulky and he smelled like strawberries. He knew everything there was to know about weapons and yet he needed help opening a juice box. Go figure. I learned a lot from him, including how to mortally wound a man using a burrito.
 
I was full of myself when I graduated the training course and the department issued me a special wardrobe, a pistol and a code name. Mr. Rigotta was to be known by fellow agents as Quicksand. Cool.
 
My first assignment made me realize that the mistaken identity could be a problem and that the real Mr. Rigotta must have been far more qualified to be an FBI agent. But I was in too deep to blow my cover and embarrass the bureau for their mistake, so I did my best. Here's what happened...
 
I was part of a three agent team sent to an empty warehouse that was housing a drug manufacturing operation. We were supposed to crash in and arrest everyone. But the criminals were not in the mood to be arrested so they began to shoot at us. It looked and sounded like they wanted to kill us but I had an idea so I shouted to the criminals: "If you all stop shooting and surrender now, the FBI will promise you complete immunity." They stopped and surrendered, all right, but the tactic was not appreciated at the main office and when the FBI had to let the criminals go, I was blamed for "poor execution" of my assignment.
 
...to be continued.
 
Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.
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