Column Chronicles: World's worst comedian draws best crowds at live shows, part one

World's worst comedian draws best crowds at live shows, part one

Frank Cotolo
January 30, 2020

Amazing and preposterous, Emile Strep, voted three years in a row as the Worst Stand-Up Comedian Of Modern Times, is drawing the biggest crowds of the season on his "Don't Laugh Tour."

"What happened," said his manager, "is that people have become very tired of paying top dollar to see stand-up acts that are smart, witty and planned. Emile offers the opposite and many people are lining up to experience the change. He is terrible and people are making terrible humor the new best humor."

One front row ticket on the current tour costs $278.67.

"It's a bargain," said Strep-fan Margo Dustloid. "My boyfriend and I skipped groceries for the month just to buy them."

"I been going to stand-up comedy concerts for twenty years," said Ronnie Grapely, "and I want to throw up watching slick, smartass comedians with polished material that is hilarious. Emile's show is quiet and peaceful and nothing to laugh about. What a relief."

Streps was born in a dumpster fire before fires in dumpsters generated that phrase to mean other things. His parents were white, middleclass people who worked as cashiers in thrift shops throughout the U.S. Midwest.

Emile wanted to be a fireman but the job scared his mother, so he became a tour guide, where he learned what he called his "boring chops."

One night he strolled into a comedy club and was mistaken for someone about to go on during the open mic set. He did not argue and went on stage.

"He was atrocious," said the club manager. "Nothing he said made sense, no less was it funny, and the people just sat there in deadly silence. I felt so bad for him I bought him a puppy."

But Emile had fun and decided to do more ad-hoc appearances at comedy clubs. He did not care that he bombed every time because he was having fun. Then, one night, someone chuckled after Emile said something and that person was beaten half to death by the rest of the crowd.

The incident made the evening news and a video of it went viral on the Internet. An entertainment reviewer wrote something that changed the life of Emile and the shape of stand-up comedy:

"After the beating, all of the people involved told police they were really beating up all of the comics they had ever paid to see and that they were left with a peaceful feeling within themselves. All of them swore they would go see Emile again doing the act he did not have."

...to be continued.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.