Column Chronicles: Diary notes of the rich and famous

Diary notes of the rich and famous

Frank Cotolo
March 5, 2020

Notable figures in all walks of life have kept diaries over the history of mankind. Now, thanks to manipulative reporting, we are able to publish parts of the most personal writings of historic figures. The translations are by Mirabelle Sintor.

Julius Caesar, 43 BC

I am not crazy about Brutus. His very name sounds like a guy who would be a bully. It is just a feeling but I think he is up to no good. The other day he was cutting up a melon for one of our monthly orgies and he was way too good with the cutting utensils.

Christopher Columbus, 1491

If the Queen buys into this three boat voyage I have in mind, it looks like I will be setting sails. I am glad she dropped the condition for a secutiry deposit for each ship. It was jealousy, if you ask me, because none of the ships were named after her.

Henry Ford, 1873

I had this dream about a horse-driven wagon. The horse cuts away from the wagon and the wagon can move forward on its own, like it had some powerful engine moving it.

The strangest part of the dream, though, was that in the front of the wagon there were oversized fluffy red dice hanging from the whipstand.

Pablo Picasso, 1890

Mom says it is just a scribble, like a mistake instead of the shape of any specific item but I see it different. Shapeless does not exist. Everything has a shape of some kind. My scribble is a shape of its own but mom just says its not the kind of thing an artist would do so I should forget about doing that for a living.

Mao Zedong, 1950

Why cannot the Chinese population learn to write clearly? I realize the Oriental alphabet is, to say the least, fluent and distinct, but come on, there needs to some literacy in this culture if I am going to lead China into the next century, as well as take over the rest of the Orient.

Cristiano Ronaldo, 1930

No one even cares about soccer in Portugal. Everything is Spain, Spain, Spain. And Italy, Italy. Portuguese feet are superior to most athletic feet around the world. We are special and serious about soccer. We do not just play for kicks.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.