Column Chronicles: Mr. Matchmaker - Frank Cotolo on 148.ca

Mr. Matchmaker

Frank Cotolo
May 21, 2020

They call me Mr. Matchmaker because I can find a mate for anyone. Just write to me and I will guide you to happiness. Here are some exchanges with successful matches.

Q: What kind of a girl would like a guy like me, a guy who loves campfires, mosquito hunts, three breakfasts a day and

A: I have the perfect girl. Her name is Lucy and she loves men who woo her in the dark with a fire nearby. Also, on her profile she makes note that her favorite insect is a mosquito.

Q: I am so tall that men are afraid of me. Do you know anyone that is not scared of a girl as tall as a ladder?

A: Yes. His name is Trindle. His profile indicates that he has no luck in romance with any girl shorter than him. I warn you, though, he always wears a tool belt.

Q: It is very difficult to maintain an interracial love affair but that is what I want. I am a Caucasian man who is often mistaken to be an Albino. What can you do for me?

A: I can make you very happy by introducing you to Blanco, a lady from Nigeria who makes puppets out of bamboo. She is looking to have any relationship with someone who could pay the bills because bamboo puppets do not sell well in Peabody, Massachusetts.

Q: Please find me a wife, preferably a woman who can accurately draw the Triborough Bridge in New York City.

A: What a coincidence. I just got a letter from a lady who has been drawing city bridges all of her life and does not care to spend time mourning a husband she had that just died.

Q: I am into bigamy and I want another husband while keeping the one I have now. I am willing to break the law and eventually get into trigamy, having three husbands. Can you help?

A: Yes, because I won't be breaking any laws introducing you to more than one man. I cannot get into trouble if they all marry you. So, how about you go for quadamy and I get you four men to marry? If you go for quintamy, I will give you one free of charge.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.