Column Chronicles: Accurate horoscope predictions

Accurate horoscope predictions

Frank Cotolo
August 21, 2020

I have told my readers many times that I feel most public Astrology forecasts are so general it is impossible to take them seriously. However, once in a while, along comes a day's prediction that hits every note correctly. Over the years I have collected my accurate horoscope predictions. Here are some of them.

Jan. 3
Throughout the day there will be a hum in your ear or perhaps more of a buzz or a whistle. No matter how you stand or sit of lay down you will hear this hum, buzz or whistle. Be cautious. If you hear a hum, buzz or whistle at the same time, drop and roll, you will be on fire.

March 16
If you have a sibling, be prepared to carry him or her on your shoulder for a mile. Three times today there will be a car accident within two miles from where you live or work. Smile if you want money.

March 31
No matter how much you want to attend a professional ballgame tonight, become aware it is not baseball season yet, even though the realization of that fact will make you very angry. Keep anger to yourself all day and night or expect to be brought to the County Jail and possibly meet the worst man in history.

May 24
You like springtime but you hate every pair of socks you own. Your tolerance is low so you want to get high. Things are not working well in your body, so stay away from eating pasta, peaches, parsnips, parsley and peppermint. Your lucky number is six.

June 12
Do not waste paper today to protest lumberjacks. Take a walk to a local pharmacy and meet a future lover. It is a bad day for a bath - drowning is prevalent when Jupiter rises above Mars before dawn, your time.

June 30
Consider becoming a Scorpio, it is a great day for that sign. For your sign, not so much.

Aug. 5
Your mind is filled with questions. What about this? How about that? Why not at all? There are other questions that you cannot answer. Go to the library but go late, before the librarian goes home. Ask her (it will be a lady) some of those questions.

Sept. 22
Do not be afraid to cry today, especially if you feel you have to cry while in public. Have plenty of tissues in your shirt pocket but do not keep the tissues near your wallet because there is a good chance a pickpocket will try to steal it. Love is just around the corner, by the way.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.