Column Chronicles: Adventures in alien abductions, part two

Adventures in alien abductions, part two

Frank Cotolo
September 24, 2020

Aliens abducted me. They came into my bedroom and they took me away. I had no option but to go with them because, for one, I was afraid to put up a fight with aliens from outer space, not knowing their powers, as well as knowing my powers were probably not as strong as their powers.

The three aliens carried me to their spaceship using only their thumbs. Their spacecraft was thin, much like their bodies, and it had more room in it than was perceivable by looking at the shape of it from the outside.

The aliens from outer space put me in a room. One said, "You will have to wait in this room."

It was truly my only option, so I ignored the fact that alien beings able to travel countless miles through space said something so obviously true.

They left me in the room and came back immediately, though they swore they were gone for six thousand Fentons, which was a calculation from how they measured time.

"What are you going to do to me?" I said.

"Examine you."

"Hold on," I said aggressively, "why do you have to examine humans? Yeah, I know people you have examined. I didn't believe them before I saw you but there is a similarity to what is happening to me and the reports of aliens others have told me."

"Shut up and bend over," one of them said.

"Do you have names?" I said.

"Yes," said one, then the others also affirmed they have names.

"Introduce yourselves. Is that too much to ask?"

"My name in your language is Zop," said one. "This one to my right is Dex and this one to my left is Jerk."

"Jerk?"

"Yes. We are Zop, Dex, and Jerk."

I pointed at one of them as said, "You are the Jerk of the three?"

"Yes, in our language," Jerk said.

"From the look of you, I'd say you are the Jerk in any language."

"Now," said Zop, "you must bend over before we reach the Vex Galaxy System."

"Let me get this straight. You have to examine my rectal passage before we get to the Vex Galaxy system because?"

"Because that's what we do," said the Jerk.

...to be continued.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.