Column Chronicles: Adventures in alien abductions, part four

Adventures in alien abductions, part four

Frank Cotolo
October 8, 2020

The aliens that abducted me, Zop, Dex and Jerk, were visibly shaken and nervous. I stayed in my seat and prepared to speak loudly.

"Listen, Zop, Dex and Jerk, listen to me now," I said.

"You changed your mind?" said Dex.

"You will bend over?" said Zop.

"We can put all of our fingers up your anal cavity now?"

"No. I am going to save all of our lives if you follow my directions," I said.

Zop, Dex and Jerk stopped pacing, became silent and in unison, said, "All right, what do we do?"

"First," I said, "steer this ship away from the Vex Galaxy System so it does not get there."

"Really?" said Zop. "Just like that? Fly the craft away from the Vex Galaxy System? Just like that?"

"Yes," I said, "change directions. Aim the craft to fly someplace else."

"It's brilliant," said Dex and the other agreed with voracious nods of their long faces. "We can't die if we don't go to the Vex Galaxy System."

"See?" I said. "Then we all live and I don't have to be examined."

"Wow," said Jerk. "You are what we call on our planet, Sleptaxiod."

"It means a genius in your language," said Dex.

The aliens left the room, went to the craft's control center, and pushed some buttons. They returned to my room smiling. I showed them how to do a "high five" and they began to enjoy doing high fives. Then, I told them that they should steer the craft back where I lived on Earth and take me back to my bedroom.

"While we are on our way back," I said to them, "here's a great idea. Why don't examine one another? Imagine how much you can learn by putting all of your fingers up the anal cavities of the other two?"

They bought it. Their face lighted up and they performed a number of high fives before putting their fingers up one another's bums.

It turned out they loved examining one another. They were so thankful they offered to shake my hand after they dropped me off at my house on Earth. I declined.

"Hey, nothing personal not shaking your hands. I mean who knows where those fingers have been, right?"

The aliens that abducted me laughed and laughed along with me until I was back on Earth in my bedroom, safe and sound. So remember this story if anyone like Zop, Dex or Jerk wind up in your bedroom.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.