Column Chronicles: Obituary of Ben Knott

Obituary of Ben Knott

Frank Cotolo
November 12, 2020

Ben Knott was born with two physical abnormalities. I knew Ben for twent years, however, and never witnessed one of them.

I knew his mother. She told me he was born "incomplete" and I thought it respectful to believe my friend's mother, even though there was no proof of her claim. Once, I asked Ben to his face if he had any physical abnormalities. He laughed.

Now, he can laugh no longer. I will miss him.

I did, though, have a meeting with his mortician. Ed Fittens because I was curious why Ben's casket remained closed at the wake.

I said, "Mr. Fittens, when you serviced Ben Knott's body, did you notice any physical abnormalities?"

"I'm afraid that is a matter of mortician-client privacy," he said.

"That is not a law," I said.

"No, it's a policy. Ben Knott’s physical abnormalities are not your business. I mean if he had physical abnormalities."

"I knew Ben for years," I said, “and he wouldn't tell me what his mother claimed, that he had physical abnormalities."

Fittens said, "We all have physical abnormalities in some form or other. No one is perfectly put together. I know that, because every working day of my life I deal with dead people. I see them in ways no one sees them. Sometimes I feel I get to know them as I work to preserve them for just so long. I even give them nicknames. Ben Knott and I got along well as I worked on him. I called him Snotty, though, because when his body came to my lab he had a snidely expression. I changed it immediately; I put a smile on him. From that moment on, Snotty and I were pals. I was probably the last pal he had on Earth."

"Very nice, but come on, you can tell me if Ben had any physical abnormalities. I won't tell anyone. Nor will I tell anyone who told me, if it slips and I tell someone."

Fittens refused my request, saying, "Snotty wouldn't approve of my telling you if he had any physical abnormalities because he was very sensitive about it."

Anyway, I am sure Ben is a fine example of how people who have physical abnormalities can live a normal life, as well as his mother is a shining example of a blabbermouth.

I see in the back of the hall, Ben's mortician Ed Fittens is crying. I understand his sadness and I know he will miss Snotty a lot.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.