Column Chronicles: Are you addicted to anything?

Are you addicted to anything?

Frank Cotolo
March 18, 2021

No matter how nicely you define addict, it is not positive.

A definition in Bunkles and Stockmyer's Modern Dictionary, for instance, claims it is someone with a psychological dependency, while Buster and Bridges Everyday Meaning of Words reports an addict as an unfortunate human that has a dependency to various substances igniting feelings of glee and often growing into feelings of super-glee and mega-glee.

Stiffles and Barkonian's Down and Dirty Dictionary offers this meaning: "A person, man or woman, with severe dependency on a chemical that results in steady deprivation, ignoring all normal lifestyle activities, including walking the dog and feeding the baby." The second level of definition reads: "useless nincompoop".

You may not think you have an addiction but studies prove otherwise. Considering a liberal blend of the definitions above, here are addiction behavior symptoms for certain sources.

You never ask anyone for the time of day because you carry around an object that accurately displays the time, not only in the area you live, but also in any time zone on the planet (in this case, Earth). The same device is your library for information, entertainment and is also the sole vehicle of your expressions. Source: a smart phone.

You buy multiple items of the same item, like clothing, knick-knacks, writing utensils. You can never buy a single food item, you must buy everything in bulk, even power tools. Source: shopping.

No matter how much you looked at yourself in the mirror, you despised your face, so you were introduced to procedures that could craft your face components any way you desire. Still, after each procedure, you despise your face. You return to have more procedures until your face looks like a cartoon cabbage. Source: plastic surgery.

You see your skin as a pale white blanket, so you spend time inside of a machine covering your body in an ultraviolet spectrum of light for extended periods. Never satisfied, you allow the harmful rays to be absorbed by your body, producing puss and blood blisters and leathery skin. Source: tanning.

"There are so many addictions," says Dr. Petronius Monacle. "People get addicted to exercise, sex, sexual exercising, eating, eating during sex, eating during exercising, weight, weight lifting, sex during weight lifting, watching TV, watching TV while having sex, eating while watching TV, playing video games, having sex while playing video games. You get the idea. Almost anything can become addicting. People need to honestly evaluate the things they often do that are supposed to enrich them, so they may control dong them too much. Well, aside from, maybe, sex."

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.