Column Chronicles: Ask Dr. Wellbottom: circulation

Ask Dr. Wellbottom: circulation

Frank Cotolo
May 6, 2021

This year we return to confer with the all-knowing Dr. Adrian Wellbottom. The popular physician always takes a fresh approach to questions asked by those in physical pain or danger.

Q: My fingers go numb, usually after waving goodbye to friends leaving on an airplane. Feeling returns when I leave the airport.

Dr. W: Circulation in your fingers must be slow. If it had stopped all together you would not have felt your fingers at all, but you said your fingers go numb, which leaves some feeling. When we wave goodbye to anyone we rarely use our fingers. We stiffen them to make the wave move more pronounced, so the fingers do not get the benefit of movement, thus stopping much of the circulation. Next time, use the traditional "bye bye" wave, which includes movement for all fingers. What the hell, the people on the plane cannot see you waving in an way.

Q: How can I help the circulation daily and still be a heavy smoker?

Dr. W: Nicotine is an enemy of circulation. No matter how much you exercise, consuming Nicotine will affect your blood flow. The crap slowly destroys your arteries, too. It also thickens your blood, slowing your circulation. It also stinks like hell. Smell your clothing. Quit.

Q: My blood pressure is high. Doesn’t that help circulation? Like it gets so high it has to move faster?

Dr. W: Are you joking? High blood pressure leads to arteriosclerosis. Can you even spell that word? It means hardening of the arteries. Are you getting all this down?

Q: What the hell is blood anyway? Why does having so much of it make me thirsty?

Dr. W: Blood is mostly water, like any liquid. You need to drink lots of water to stay hydrated. Can you spell hydrated?

Q: I sit at work. Aside from this being a work hazard, since I am a traffic cop at a busy intersection, what is the best way to use my body to circulate my blood enough?

Dr. W: When we sit, our leg muscles are dormant. That means they stay still (why can't any of you people spell words correctly?). People who sit when working five, six, seven or eight or more hours a day will always have circulation problems. They should stand at their desks and do a little shuffle now and again, preferably to a light and fancy tune they have in their heads.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.