Column Chronicles: Speaking on organ donating

Speaking on organ donating

Frank Cotolo
June 10, 2021

One of my many jobs is public speaking. Recently, I was hired to assist in a program for the Organ Donors of America (ODA), which met in Minnesota at the Cyborg Auditorium, seating over seventy-five hundred members and prospective members. Here is the text of the speech.

[APPLAUSE WHEN INTRODUCED]

Thank you all for that inviting reaction welcoming me, even though I know you must be sizing me up and saying things like: he seems to have a good pair of kidneys, or, he doesn't look like an alcoholic so I'd have his liver.

And it's true, many of us here today have organs that are good enough to work in another person's body but we don't like to think about that because most of the times it means we are dead - and that's not a thought that makes people want to start a new career.

It is also perfectly normal if we do think about donating organs after death, to feel stingy, to get possessive with these gooey things inside of us that work to keep us alive. Lots of people say things like, hey, this heart was mine and we have been through a lot together, so why shouldn't it be buried with me? Why should it have to work for another person? Sure, that is normal.

This is why we have to imagine we need someone else's organ to stay alive. Would we choose death over having a leftover organ? Let me see a show of hands. Well, I really did not expect to see as many hands choose death but then again it fits into what I am saying about being stingy. Unless I said it incorrectly. Let me put it another way.

Let's say you need a lung and the doctor says you are lucky because a new shipment of real lungs just came in from a mass suicide at some crazy cult headquarters. Are you going to complain that the lung came from some whack job spiritual jerk that killed himself or herself? Let me see a show of hands. Well, I didn't see this one coming; you people would rather die than have the lung from a whack job spiritual jerk who killed himself or herself? Okay, let me put this another way.

Do you want to stay alive? Let me see a show of hands. That's better, of course you all want to stay alive, whether you're a mother or whether you're a brother, like the song says, you want to be staying alive. Wait, none of you know that song? Who remembers The Bee Gees? Let me see a show of hands. How do you like that, only a few of you out of seventy-five hundred people with good organs.

Okay, let me see a show of hands for all of you who remember K.C. and the Sunshine Band. What? No one knows Get Down Tonight? Not a one. Shake Your Booty? Oh, there’re a few hands. Shake Your Booty was K.C. and the Sunshine Band. What? Oh, you know the song but you thought Barry Manilow did it? Really?

I guess there's a wide range of ages here tonight. Okay, one more. Let me see a show of hands for all of you who remember Sister Sledge? No one. Kool and the Gang? There's a few hands. What? You thought it was Kool and the Sunshine Band and what? You thought it was K.C. and the Gang? Are you people people putting me on?

I have to say that right now I am feeling as if I would not donate any organ or want one from any of you but I guess it would be better than death so let's hear it for me and for you who would donate organs and thank you for being here tonight.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.