Column Chronicles: Adventurers claim people are living longer in the USA, part two

Adventurers claim people are living longer in the USA, part two

Frank Cotolo
November 4, 2021

Rex Wells, Dix Donnigan and Skip Daze, the trio of adventurers that became historians as well, proved life expectancy in America has climbed from 1918 to 2018, according to specific research completed recently by a team of adventurer-historians.

"After the Spanish Flu devastation ended," said Dex, "a surge of births took place, and by 1921 the population returned to where it was before all of the deaths."

"Then it grew over the next decade," said Rex. "We figured this out on an adventure we had in the Nevada desert, where Skip almost died."

"Yeah," said Skip, "it was nasty and ironic. There I was almost dead while we were proving the history of an expanding American lifespan, not that my death would have changed the findings."

"It would not have changed it, right," said Dex. "Ten years after the first spike in longevity, the old population was living longer and more people were born and continuing to live."

The trio released a complete graph of their findings after an adventure in Vermont's maple syrup woods, where they were chased by a herd of wild elk. The local historians (none of them also adventurers), were astounded reading the chart.

Professor Ornery Lobottom said, "From nineteen eight to two thousand eight alone shows people surviving in bulk. One would think that would be it but no, lifespan continues to increase."

Dr. Greg Aree, upon reviewing the chart, said, "It must have to do with science. Better living through chemistry, I would say. More medicines."

"And food," said Skip. "Food has gotten better and is sold much cleaner than before the Spanish Flu."

"Why was it called the Spanish Flu?" said Lobottom.

"Spaniards got it from the French," said Rex, "and they put a lot about it in the newspapers. When the French had it they didn’t call it anything, they played the virus down."

"The name stuck," said Skip.

"For sure," said life span specialist Bing Urtarian, "these adventurer-historians have made us all feel life is not just worth living but worth living longer. We owe them a great debt."

Skip said, "Hold on, though, there could be a downside."

Dex said, "Skip's right. The American lifespan will have to level off or dip a little soon."

Rex added, "Because if it keeps going as strongly as our findings, people being born now could have a lifespan of two hundred years."

"Yes," said the doctor, "and then what?"

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.