Column Chronicles: Vieni con me nel futuro

Vieni con me nel futuro

Frank Cotolo
December 30, 2021

You read the headline correctly. Come with me into the future. Not the future of Italy, per se. In this case, the future is 2022. Who could have thought even a decade ago that we would be here together, looking straight in the face of 2022? Not you. Not me. Not us.

Now, in any language you please, let us move on, even if we do not thrive, let us move forward, not that we could move in any other direction, except down, you know, if that happens, that thing, the non-living thing, you know?

Where was I? Yes, I was in the here and now, asking you to join me when then becomes now, as 2022 begins to chronicle our time. Of course I know you cannot actually come with me, no less be with me as the new year becomes a reality, but if we share some existential thoughts about the 365-some-odd days about to be put before us—and make no mistake about it, some of those days will be odd - perhaps we might look upon 2022 without the despair that we will most likely face when it is over.

I asked many a sage what could be in store for the human race in 2022. Each of them was more than happy to give an opinion (as long as I paid them the going rate for sages sharing what could be in store for the human race in 2022).

The Cherished One, Mandooky Buff, who lives in the rugged mountains near Tibet, said, "I'm going to build a home on this mountain come the new year. It will have two bathrooms and many curtains on the windows. I will pontificate about man's struggle, including the breakdown of morals in the Western world as the average age of a human rises thirty years, tops. That means once he or she lives to 60 they will actually live to 90 and in those extra years they will create new sexual perversions that I will crave to share."

The Dignified One, Cecil Ongarden, who still lives in a one room flat in London, said, "Pip, pip, cheerio to whatever becomes of us. Still, I hope it is filled with hope because hope filled with anything but hope can only end miserably."

Seedum Makhoom, who was voted Wisest of the Year sixteen years in a row until he hungered to have a single stupid thought and did so, told me whatever mankind wants for the future cannot be accurately described, "because it will change," he said. "Nothing ever happens when mankind sets certain goals, because mankind cannot see beyond a single moment. What mankind wants in that particular moment cannot last; his desires change, he changes his attitude, and hopefully his underwear. Thus, accomplishing anything is moot. In reality it is lower than moot, it is mit [sic] and there is no conjoining with mit."

A positive view comes from Privion DeSaulte, the French philosopher. "For what will happen to the strain of being that is being when any future becomes now is natural because, as Sartre said to his puppy Piejoh on his birthday, 'I am only this and not that.' So I say to be that is to be and to be is to become and to become is to be in a place where one is to be. This means something good, just trust me."

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.