Column Chronicles: Secret experimental products

Secret experimental products

Frank Cotolo
January 13, 2022

I have many friends working in experimental areas of science and medicine. Most are available via bribes to give me information on scientific stuff that has not become public yet. At great expense to my personal wealth, here are some of the latest items I attained. Keep in mind my descriptions of the products are scientifically limited, even though they cost a fortune in bribes.

Air Hair

Curls are a unisex problem but now this product is solved for both sexes with a mechanism that connects to your brow and straightens your hair. Air Hair uses WiFi to find people in your area with curls and sends your curls to them thought the same technology that sends video images.

Downside - Targeting the curls in transfer so they are not sent to bald heads, increasing the risk of skin cancer.

Erectathon

This is a medication to better address ED. There is no waiting period needed. Taken at the moment a man is ready to copulate, Erectathon pumps blood to the area immediately, producing a workable boner, while delaying ejaculation for at least 56 minutes.

Downside - The internal force needed for immediacy may dislocate the member of his tool or cause skin cancer.

Zit Zapper

This harmless looking pen-shaped object releases a high frequency sound that shrinks the biggest pus-filled pimple human skin may create. After a quick buzz, the blemish disappears.

Downside - The infectious liquid in the zit may remain under the demolished pimple and move and manufacture a new pimple in a body area that can be severely injured by exposure to high frequencies, thus making Zit Zapper dangerous to use on the newly created zit. (Recent studies on using high frequencies near genital areas, for instance, have resulted in mortal side effects, such as skin cancer).

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.