Column Chronicles: The nail head has no opposite, an essay

The nail head has no opposite: an essay

Frank Cotolo
September 22, 2022

We all want to act and react perfectly or as we say, "hit the nail on the head". There is a problem, though, because no one can act or react perfectly; we all screw up.

When we screw up, though, no one ever comments using a phrase that means the opposite of hitting the nail on the head.

There have been many attempts to find an opposite phrase using a similar reference to a person hammering a nail. Here are some that did not stick:

"You missed the freaking nail by a mile and hit the wood."

"Next time you want to hit the nail at all, try using a sledge hammer for goodness sake."

"You are no carpenter, buddy."

"Stick to screwing in screws you screwball."

"That was an asinine guess."

"Go to Home Depot and learn how a hammer operates with the force of your arm."

Other attempts that have failed have nothing to do with the act of hammering a nail:

"Did you think before you said anything or is your brain damaged?"

"That was so far off we should call you 'idiot ass hat.'"

"Next time you think you have a great answer, write it down and mail it to your relatives."

"You could not hit a nail on the head if you were a superhero named Hammerhead."

"You did not hit the nail anywhere near the head."

"Next time, aim."

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.