Column Chronicles: Puddles the Clown, part 2

Puddles the Clown, part 2

Frank Cotolo
November 3, 2022

The hospital management, the state inquiry department, the police department, the national clown registry, performers anonymous and other searching organizations made inquiries but there was no sign of Puddles the Clown.

Festus Giffalder, VP of the Clown Hall of Fame heard of the incident and commented, saying "This Puddles clown must be exposed. He has violated some of the International Clown Rules of Behavior [ICRB]." The ICRB specifically prohibits any form of bodily waste to be used in a clown act. "Puddles not only broke the rule," Giffalder said, "he indirectly used the name of one in his clown name."

And he continued to do so. A month after the hospital incident, Puddles the Clown made another appearance. He showed up at a U.S. Army Enlistment Office and did his act. Again, witnesses testified that he dropped a balloon filled with urine, shouted "kaboom" and just before he disappeared shouted, "It's me, Puddles the Clown. Wawhoo and kaboom!"

The U.S. Army also joined in the search for the mysterious figure. Also, one of the doctors at the U.S. Army medical division took samples of the urine from the floor and tested it. Sergeant Dr. Uranius Welcome reported that Puddles' urine consisted of water, inorganic salts, creatinine, ammonia and pigments from a blood breakdown. "It is the same as anyone's urine," said Dr. Welcome, "leaving no clue as to his identity..."

"Maybe Puddles is not a man," said police detective Wisely Taught.

"...or his sex," Dr. Welcome said.

With nothing to go on, most investigations did not go on. Then, four months after the enlistment-center incident, Puddles showed up at a Ku Klux Klan meeting. "He snuck in," said [name omitted], a Klan member. "He was dressed in white and his face was painted white like a hood and he looked stupid, blending in with the other members."

This time, Puddles had somehow carried two bags of urine and exploded them amid the gathered group of KKK attendees, shouting, "K-k-k-boom, it's me, Puddles the Clown. Wawhoo and kaboom!"

KKK members chased Puddles down the road. Most of them slipped and fell from urine-soaked shoes and Puddles disappeared into the woods.

...to be continued.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.