Column Chronicles: Puddles the Clown, part 3

Puddles the Clown, part 3

Frank Cotolo
November 10, 2022

Escaping every attempt to catch him (or her or them), Puddles the Clown made appearances through the next few months at unpredictable places and events. He reportedly dropped his trademark bags of urine at an antique show, a professional wrestling match, a worm-charming festival, an underwater baking competition, a bicycle race, an adult diaper-lovers convention, a concert at the Institute for the Self-Indulgent and even at a random family's Barbeque in the posh side of the city.

Police detective Wisely Taut, who speculated that Puddles was a female, came up with another theory: there was more than one Puddles the Clown. He studied the sightings and became sure there were many when he read the dates and times of witnesses' statements.

"How could he get away with that?" said Police Captain Tyrone Belligerent.

"Easy," said Taut. "No one who saw him ever saw him again and his clown outfit is so generic that every description from witnesses is vague enough not to conflict with one another. The prospect of there being many Puddles the Clown actually makes it easier to catch him. If we get cops to hang out at as many events as possible around the city and in the outskirts of town, the mathematical possibilities of one set of cops being at a place where a Puddles shows up is great."

More police would be hired and pairs of cops patrolled random events and places, hoping a Puddles would appear. Captain Belligerent was confident this was worth the state police’s budget and if it worked the Captain would be praised and have a chance to run for governor. All Taut wanted was to crack the Puddles case and then satisfy a hunger to find out why such a group would put time and effort into the useless behavior.

Taut wrote in his diary: "The logistics of getting all of the urine Puddles the Clown uses at an appearance are in and of themselves fascinating, still, there was no clue to a purpose for spilling it as he (or she or they) did. As well, was there a hidden meaning to always shouting 'kaboom' when spilling the bodily waste?"

...a la prochaine.

Frank Cotolo can be found hosting the talk and interview programme Cotolo Chronicles. You can send him an e-mail at this address: frank@148.ca.